


In the End, I Want You

by grace_is_overrated



Series: The Past I Don't Wanna Erase [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Deviancy (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Drug Addiction, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury Recovery, Mental Breakdown, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Recovery, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, new chapter posted 1-2 times a week, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grace_is_overrated/pseuds/grace_is_overrated
Summary: Detroit is a mess, and so am I.The evacuation order that was placed after the revolution has been lifted, androids aretechnicallyconsidered people, and all I can think about is how everything went so incredibly and horribly wrong. I'd lost so much, and what had I accomplished? Absolutely nothing. I had said that it could only end badly. I never could have imagined how right I was.And now everyone else is trying to move on with their lives while I'm still stuck in the past. So, I'll say it again: this can only end badly. Right?
Relationships: Connor (Detroit: Become Human) & Original Female Character(s), Connor (Detroit: Become Human)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Past I Don't Wanna Erase [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897591
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. There's No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I still felt so far away. I didn’t want to think about the apartment, or what was in there, or what had happened. It felt like I was leaving my whole life behind, but not by choice. Like I couldn’t go back. I needed to run away. Something awful was there, something that was just waiting for me to step close enough for it to sweep me up into its grasp. I suppressed a shiver, goosebumps crawling up my arms.
> 
> I didn’t say anything. My throat felt too tight to actually say ‘thank you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back!!
> 
> I'm completely done with all of the chapters in this part, because originally these were only chapters 1 through 4 of the second part. Once I was done with them, though, it made more sense to split them into more than just the one part. So there's more where this comes from, and I'll be able to post this consistently since all I have left to do is a bit of editing.
> 
> I'm excited! ♥️

> **DATE**
> 
> Friday January 21, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 11:56 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Interstate 75

The drive back into Detroit made me nauseous.

I tried to focus on the road and ignore the churning in my gut. It was why I’d refused to let Chase drive, much to their annoyance. Driving meant that I didn’t have time to think. I could never zone out when I drove, unless I was _really_ out of it. But I was fine. So I drove, mind mostly blank, keeping an eye on the traffic. Lake Eerie shone with the midday sun out the passenger window, highlighting Chase’s profile with golden light. The shadows that fell over them made the tattoo on their neck look much darker than the bright blue and yellow I knew were inked there.

The closer we got to Detroit, the stronger the urge to turn the car around got. I could run away, start a new life somewhere else. Forget any of this mess had ever happened. Change my name, get a new job, maybe actually do something with my fucking degree. But I missed Kida. I also didn’t want to think about her because thinking about her made me think about Connor. And thinking about Connor made me think about things I’d rather not think about.

Not yet.

Eventually the lake turned into the Detroit River and traffic started to crowd the streets. Downtown was always packed this time of day. Lunchtime in one of the busiest areas of the city. The sounds of the lunch rush flooded into the car through Chase's open window. Why they insisted on cracking it was beyond me, but they wouldn't let me close it so I left them alone.

We made our way through the streets, slowly, one red light at a time. I knew where we were going, but it didn’t feel real until we parked in front of the building. My blood ran cold as I turned off the car, looking over the blocky architecture. White stone and black brick complementing the light wood panels.

“I’m not going up there.”

Chase looked at me, seatbelt already half off. They squinted, brows furrowed together, before they sighed and rolled their eyes. “Ali.”

I ignored the edge to their voice, gaze fixed on the building in front of us. Both of my hands tensed on the steering wheel, grip like a vice.

“All of your stuff is up there.”

“I’m not going up there,” I repeated. A little more insistent. My voice shook a bit.

They sighed. “Where are you gonna stay?” Their voice was gentler, this time. More concerned than demanding.

I shook my head. “Not here.”

They were chewing on their bottom lip, gaze far away, before they turned back to face out the windshield. It was quiet. They started riffling through their bag. I watched them, knuckles going white on the steering wheel, as they pulled out their tablet and held it out to me. I stared at it for a second. Then they shook it a bit and I pried one hand off the wheel to take it from them.

“Write down anything you want me to grab for you.”

I still felt so far away. I didn’t want to think about the apartment, or what was in there, or what had happened. It felt like I was leaving my whole life behind, but not by choice. Like I couldn’t go back. I needed to run away. Something awful was there, something that was just waiting for me to step close enough for it to sweep me up into its grasp. I suppressed a shiver, goosebumps crawling up my arms.

I didn’t say anything. My throat felt too tight to actually say ‘thank you.’

There weren’t many things I could think of that I wanted. Clothes, my keys, some stuff for Kida. I’d reach out to Hank soon. Go get her. I’d… figure things out. I always did. I’d manage.

Somehow.

I was leaning on the driver’s side door with my cane against the hood, halfway through my second cigarette, when Chase came back down with one of my suitcases.

They jingled my keys at me as they asked, “Your car still in the garage?”

I nodded and blew out the smoke I’d been holding in. “Should be.”

They threw my keys at me and I awkwardly caught them in one hand. “Landlord said everything should still be where it was. So.”

The cig’s ember glowed as I squished it underfoot. Ground it into the gravel until it went out. I drummed my fingers against the car window, nervous energy starting to bubble up again. The cigarettes never really did much. Just gave me something to do with my hands. Something to focus on.

“I’m gonna head to Traveller’s. Stay there for…” I took a breath. I had no plans, didn’t know how long I’d be there. Probably longer than Chase would want. “A bit.”

They dropped my suitcase on the sidewalk next to me with a heavy ‘thunk,’ looking less than impressed. Eyes narrowed, lips pursed, one eyebrow raised up. They were judging.

“A bit,” they repeated. Inflection rising at the end like a question.

“Yeah.”

We held each other’s stare for a minute. Neither of us wanting to give in.

My jaw tightened. I refused to let them get to me. Thankfully their unimpressed glare wasn’t as effective as Hank’s. It didn’t have that same disappointed, parental vibe to it. I smirked and grabbed my cane in one hand. Shifted my keys into my palm as I grabbed my suitcase too.

“I’ll see you around.”

Chase didn’t say anything or try to stop me as I walked away. I glanced over my shoulder before I pushed the door to the garage open. They were still standing there, staring at me. Arms crossed over their chest. A different look on their face. One I didn’t want to think too hard about.

I was still pretending I was okay.

* * *

> **DATE**
> 
> Tuesday January 25, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 3:38 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Detroit Police Department

The DPD was probably the last place I wanted to be right now.

On top of just not wanting to deal with my problems, I hated feeling like people were looking down on me. Pity felt like an insult and all anyone did anymore was pity me. Pity for Violet, pity for my leg, pity for my “trauma.” The number of ‘get well soon’ cards and ‘hope you’re doing okay!’ emails I’d gotten the last couple of months only made me more irritable.

I wasn’t antisocial. I liked most of the people I’d worked with. Gavin tended to keep people at arm’s length and, being his partner, I sometimes got caught in that bubble. But I’d made friends. People I genuinely cared about. And yet every time someone had sent me a ‘hope to see you soon’ text after the evacuation order was lifted, all I’d felt was annoyance. Contempt. _Frustration_.

All of the cards and emails and messages went unanswered. And now I was back at the precinct.

I still had my access card, so there was no need to talk to the receptionist. I spared the few workers behind the front desk a quick glance as I hobbled by. The job market was a mess. Had been since the revolution.

Well...

Since before, if I was being honest. The revolution just made it worse. It was no surprise reception was overwhelmed. They were clearly overworked, trying to keep up with the influx of people no doubt complaining about old cases, the housing crisis, and fuck knew what else.

I didn’t recognize any of the receptionists. The lobby was loud and crowded. It was the only thing keeping me from taking my sweet time on my way to the turnstile.

The security guard next to the glass doors was also new. I swiped my card over the panel and she gave me a curt nod as I passed through the metal bars, straining a tight grin in her direction before turning my eyes back to the floor in front of me.

The glass doors closed behind me and I paused. Standing in the hallway to the bullpen. I saw a few familiar faces walk into the break room and hoped nobody saw me. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. The less people tried to talk to me, the easier this would be.

I took and deep breath and stared at the floor as I made my way further into what used to be most of my life. Reflex pulled my jacket tighter around me with my free hand. It didn’t have a high collar so it wouldn’t actually hide my face, but it made me feel better.

There weren’t many people in the bullpen this time of day. It wasn’t paperwork hours yet, so most were probably out on cases or rounds. Nobody that I knew particularly well was here. Nobody that would approach me when I looked like I’d bite their head off. If any of them noticed me hobbling through the bullpen, they left me alone. Nobody was visiting the Captain’s office as I got to the steps up to his glass box.

The door opened with a familiar ‘thunk.’ Fowler didn’t look up from his desk as I walked in. I let the door glide closed behind me. He waved at the chairs in front of his desk, still looking down at whatever he was absorbed in.

“Take a seat, Grace.”

I leaned on my cane and picked at the material on the corner of one of the chairs he’d motioned to. “I’m good, thanks.”

He sighed and glanced up with an annoyed look. “You’re a good detective.”

“Was.” I let my eyes fall back to the chair. Still picking at the fraying material. “Was a good detective.”

Another sigh. Fowler leaned forward and propped his elbows on the edge of his desk. I could feel his intense stare. He had this authoritative vibe to him, beyond just his rank. He was the kind of person that made you stand up and take notice the moment he walked into a room. He commanded respect just by existing in front of you. It was probably why he was such a good Captain.

“I’m not entertaining whatever self-pitying bullshit you’re dumping on yourself. You’re one of my best, amputee or not.”

I bristled at the word but didn’t say anything. Didn’t look up. My hand froze on the edge of the chair.

“I’ll just get right to the point, then.” A short pause. “Internal investigations is looking into all the officers and detectives involved in the deviant cases and android revolution.”

My jaw tightened and I ground my teeth together. My knuckles went white as my fingers dug into the chair. I took a deep, slow breath to try and calm myself. It didn’t do much. My gun and badge felt weird on my belt. Heavier, somehow. Like I wasn’t used to the weight. Maybe I just felt like they didn’t belong there anymore.

“That won’t be necessary.” It was hard to unbuckle my holster from my belt with one hand. Fowler rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He leaned back in his chair as I dropped my gun and badge on the corner of his desk. “I quit.”

“Grace, listen. Take a few days to think it over, there’s no rush.”

I shook my head. Stared at my badge for a second. I almost hesitated. Almost picked it up again. It felt familiar. I’d been on the force for so long, poured my life into it for years…

But maybe that was the problem.

“I don’t belong here anymore.” My voice was quiet. Unsure. And yet… I was right. “I’m just gonna grab some of my stuff and I’ll head out.” Fowler didn’t say anything as I left his office.

Reed was at his desk, now, looking like he wanted to strangle something. _Great_.

I avoided eye contact as I rounded our shared desk and started shuffling through my drawers. Pulling out some of my stuff. A notebook, some pictures, a collection of pens.

“You look like shit, Grace.”

I had to suppress a groan. Reed was the absolute last person I wanted to talk to right now. He was a good detective, but damn was he bad with people. I was lucky enough to be spared the worst of his ire as his partner and desk mate. He still pissed me off more often than not. Ex-partner and ex-desk mate, now. Which meant I was no longer ‘off limits.’

Perfect.

“I’m not in the mood today, Reed.”

He was quiet for a moment too long. I got curious and looked up. He was staring at me, brows pulled together with a critical look in his eye. He reached out and pushed a cup of coffee from the really good café across town onto my desk after a second. _What on earth…?_

“If you tell anyone I said this I’ll deny it, but I heard about your friend. I’m sorry.” He had his arms crossed over his chest, but his usually hard grey eyes were surprisingly… warm. That was very not normal for him. “You should take it easy.”

I chewed on the inside of my lip, considering how to respond. But I was tired and annoyed and not in the mood for a fight so I leaned forward and grabbed the coffee. It was still hot. _How did he know when I was going to be in?_

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Reed returned the smirk that I gave him and rolled his eyes. He looked down at the stuff I’d gathered on my desk. “You quit or something?”

“Yeah.” I looked at the coffee in my hand. Wasn’t sure what else to say.

I swear he actually looked surprised for a second. And then he shifted in his chair to lean forward across his desk towards me. “Listen, Grace.” He paused. I looked up to meet his eye again. “We should get a drink sometime. Now that you’re not my partner.”

 **That** made me freeze. He didn’t look like he was flirting. I was pretty sure I’d seen Reed hit on people before. He was charming, somewhat witty, and incredibly obvious. I wouldn’t deny that he was nice to look at, but he was way beyond not my type. And based on who I’d seen him hit on, I wasn’t his type, either.

“I’m not going out with you, Reed.”

He looked a bit confused for half a second before a grin pulled at the corners of his lips and his head fell forward. His shoulders shook slightly as he laughed under his breath. It took him a few moments before he looked back up at me, still smirking. “Not like that.” He paused. “You’re not competition, anymore. You’re a helluva detective, though. You’d make a wicked CI.”

I couldn’t help my grin at the compliment. Coming from Reed, they were few and far between. I looked back down at the coffee in my hand as I said, “Maybe.”

“You’ve got my number.” He grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair as he stood, throwing it over his shoulder. “I’ve got a bust to deal with, so I’ll see you around.”

I gave him a quick nod as he left me to my few keepsakes and fancy coffee. I put the cup down and leaned my cane against my desk. I could manage to stand on my good leg for a few minutes. I started shoving my things in my bag.

And then I heard two familiar voices coming towards me from the front and I froze. _Shitshitshit_. I was not ready for this meeting. Not at all. I was **not** looking to start screaming in the middle of the precinct.

But I wasn’t fast enough and before I knew it, Hank and Connor were rounding the corner into the bullpen. Hank met my stare and I felt my heart jump into my throat even just seeing Connor out of the corner of my eye. I squeezed them shut as my heartbeat pounded in my ears, breath going quick and shallow.

“Shit, kid, you’re actually here.”

I pushed back against the dark images that flooded my brain. Tried to block the thoughts, the sounds. Flashes of too many teeth, not white but dripping, echoing screams, and a resounding ‘bang’ in the distance. I grit my teeth together. _This is not the time, not the place, not the **anything**_.

I forced myself to open my eyes. Stared at the coffee on my desk. I thought about Reed. ‘Take it easy.’ Yeah. Easier said than done, unfortunately. _Fuck_.

Slow breath in. Out. I squared my shoulders, gripped the straps of my bag so tight my knuckles went white, braced myself for… something. Did my best to completely clear my head. No thoughts, no memories, I just needed to turn off for a few minutes.

They were at my desk by the time I looked up. I met Hank’s clear blues. Tried not to think about Connor too much. They both looked clearly concerned. I was sure I probably looked a fucking mess. The dead eyes probably didn’t help.

I forced myself to focus on anything but the thoughts chasing me down. Five seconds to breathe in, counted in my head, and then again for out. “Hey, Hank.” A beat as I braced myself. _Bite the bullet_. “Connor.”

The name almost caught in my throat. I ignored the thought of choking on black as the name bubbled out like blood. _One, two, three, four, five…_

“I’ll go upload our case data, Lieutenant.”

His voice made my blood run cold. I kept staring at the spot where Hank’s eyes had been as he turned to meet Connor’s. _Five_ _—_

“Sure, Connor.”

 _Four_ _—_

“Detective Grace.”

_Three—_

I barely even gave him a courteous nod as he walked away.

 _Two_ _—_

I met Hank’s stare again as he turned back to me.

_One._

“Didn’t expect to see you back here for a bit. You doin’ paperwork or something?”

I forced a small smile as I let out the breath I’d taken. My eyes wandered down to my terminal for a second before going back to Hank’s. “I’m just getting my stuff.” He seemed confused so I added, “I quit.”

It took a second for my words to sink in, but Hank’s eyes went wide when they did. I tried to focus on him and not his partner at the terminal on the other side of the bullpen. My heart was still beating wildly in my ears.

“Shit, kid. Seriously?”

My fingers twisted around the straps of my bag. I really didn’t wanna have this conversation.

“How’s Kida?”

Hank crossed his arms over his chest and gave me his ‘I-don’t-approve’ look, clearly not happy with my avoidance. But he didn’t push. He knew better than that. His eyes softened after a moment and he sighed.

“She’s good. Getting along with Sumo, finally. Stopped trying to jump on him every five seconds.”

A pause. I thought Connor had taken her?

“You wanna come pick her up today?”

I did. I really, really did. “Maybe. She’s staying with you?”

Hank nodded. Glanced to his side, eyeing the only occupied terminal behind him. “Yeah. Connor was staying at my place while the evac order was still on. Figured I’d keep her around when I got back and he moved to New Jericho.”

I’d heard about that. The androids had been sanctioned to build in a few abandoned blocks down by the old Michigan State Fairgrounds. It’d unsurprisingly been dubbed ‘New Jericho.’ They’d repurposed some of the buildings, family homes and such. Built some new stuff, too.

“I can bring her by, if you want. You, uh.” He hesitated, clearly chewing on a thought before he continued. “You still live at the same place?”

I shook my head. My leg was starting to ache from holding my full weight mostly on its own. I uncurled my hands from around the straps of my bag and grabbed my cane, shifting to share some of the weight.

“No, I— No.” My free hand absent-mindedly picked at some stray material on my bag. “I’ll pick her up. Tonight, maybe?”

Hank nodded. “Yeah, sure. We’re already finishing up for the day. Just let me know when you’re on the way.”

My heart started to calm down. The thought of seeing Kida again made me feel a bit better. I’d missed her. Could use some non-judgmental or pitying company. Something to take care of other than myself might help, too.

“Yeah. I will.”

There was a pause. A second of silence as we just stared at each other. Hank wanted to dig deeper, I was sure. I just wanted to leave. Ideally not ever have _that_ conversation.

“You take care of yourself, kid.”

I nodded. Hank hesitated a second longer, but then he turned to go back to his desk. Something made me call out his name and he stopped. Turned back to me. I swallowed, eyes darting down and then back up. A genuine smile pulled at the corner of my mouth. Just a bit, but enough.

“Thanks, Hank. For…”

“Yeah.” He smiled back. “Course.”

And then he turned and made his way to his desk. I watched him for a second as he sat down and started talking to Connor. I still couldn’t bring myself to look over at him. Not yet. Maybe soon.

I let out a long breath. Pulled my bag across my shoulder and picked up Reed’s gift. My thigh and my leg were starting to hurt as I made my way down the hall, back to the front desk. I was almost too caught up in my own world to notice the android that passed me. Almost.

He was tall, dressed in a clean white suit. Dark hair shaved on the sides framing a hard, chiseled face. Bright eyes looking straight ahead. He didn’t even spare me a sideways glance as he walked by. I wouldn’t have noticed he was an android if not for the steady blue LED on his temple. His face was what made me pause, though.

Eerily familiar, and yet not. I stood for a moment, watching his back as he turned into the bullpen. Stared at the spot he’d been a moment before. Had I seen that right? Was it a trick of my scattered brain?

Or had that android looked almost identical to Connor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like with Defiant, I made a playlist! It's called "In the End, I Want You" by Nikki on Spotify.
> 
> I get a lot of inspiration from music and I challenged myself to pick one song for each chapter in this story. It kind of helped to keep everything on track and make sure each chapter has a cohesive vibe/theme. The songs are in order for their chapters. The first song goes with the first chapter, the second with chapter 2, etc. Gives you a bit of a sneak-peek for what to expect in each chapter, too♥️


	2. Further Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One big, bulky form curled in on themselves. Clearly a Saint Bernard. Sumo. And the second, much smaller, splayed out on her back with her paws straight up in the air above her, slowly kicking and twitching every few seconds. My heart jumped into my throat. Kida, my little collie-retriever mutt.
> 
> I stopped behind the couch, just watching her for a moment. She was dreaming, tongue lolled out the side of her mouth. Her favorite way to sleep, even though it looked insanely uncomfortable. It was the cutest shit I’d ever seen.
> 
> My shoulders tensed and my nose burned. For the first time in months, I actually felt happy. Nothing else. Nothing trying to pry into my head, nothing weighing down on me. Just happy to see her. Happy she was okay. Happy that she seemed to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of these chapters are going to be fairly short, since they were originally part of much longer chapters with multiple scenes. Trying to split those up on here, formatting wise, isn't ideal though so I think this works better.
> 
> I've kinda gone off the deep end with this a little bit lol So many new characters! I hope you like them. I've kind of fallen in love with a couple in particular.

> **DATE**
> 
> Tuesday January 25, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 5:56 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Corktown

The air had a biting chill to it as I made my way to the pharmacy to refill my prescription. I stopped on the street outside and rattled the little bottle in my hand. Only one pill left. I swallowed it whole before shoving the bottle back in my bag and ignored the ache in my thigh as best I could. Some days were easier than others. Today was not one of them. But the pain would fade soon enough.

I pushed the door open, a pronounced ‘ding’ announced my arrival to nobody in particular. The harsh fluorescent lights washed out the already-too-bright white tiled floor and walls. Who thought making pharmacies so goddamn blinding was a good idea? It gave me a headache if I stayed in there too long.

There weren’t many people inside this time of day in the middle of the week. The aisles were quiet, only the occasional shuffle of feet and the muted music from the speakers overhead kept the place from being dead silent. I kept my head down until I got to the pickup counter. Nobody was there so I rang the bell and waited.

A tech came out almost immediately, way too smiley, and took my refill note. Said it’d be a couple minutes and gave me a beeper so that I could walk around while I waited. I didn’t.

Instead I made my way to the seating area and plopped into one of the hard plastic chairs. It was better than leaning on my leg or cane. My thigh still hurt. I could feel the painkiller kicking in, though. The ache was always the last thing to go.

I tried to busy my mind. Counted the people that rounded the corner of the closest aisle. Only two in maybe five minutes. But there wasn’t much to do sitting by yourself in a pharmacy waiting area, so my thoughts started to wander. First it was Hank and Kida and Sumo. I’d told him I’d be by to pick her up today, after this. I hadn’t mentioned what ‘this’ was, though. Only that I had some errands in the area.

Hank inevitably led to work, which still felt weird. And then Reed and the coffee. I thought about texting him. Didn’t take long to dismiss the idea. Maybe another day. I was busy right now anyway.

And then there was that android. He could’ve been Connor’s double. Definitely looked like they could be brothers. Same hair color, same kinda face. But then there was the light grey eyes and the look in them and something about his face was _different_. I’d only gotten half a look at him, but he was different. Very, very similar, but not identical.

The beeper going off in my lap startled me out of my daze. I used my cane to push myself back to my feet and limped over to the desk. The tech asked if I wanted to talk to the pharmacist as they gave me a somewhat judgy look. I said no and took my bag. Didn’t wait for them to say anything else before I made my way out of the overwhelmingly bright shop.

Outside was refreshingly dark and grey. I didn’t usually like overcast or rainy weather. Made me feel kinda bland. After the sickeningly white tiles of the pharmacy that reminded me of a hospital, though, I was much more appreciative of the depressing tones. It was still really fucking cold out, though.

My car was parked next to the door, in the handicapped spot. It felt weird to use it. Like I wasn’t supposed to. Just made me feel uneasy. Most days you probably couldn’t tell that I’d lost my leg at all, with how many layers I put on to hide it. The cane was a giveaway, though.

I shivered as I got into the driver’s seat. God, I fucking hated the cold. More so than I used to. I tried not to think about why. Flashes of blue blood and dark waters popped into my head. Heartbeat pounding like a drum behind my eyes, throat feeling like it was closing. And then I heard a scream, long and drawn out, before it faded into nothing.

I squeezed my eyes shut and braced my hands on the steering wheel, willing the sounds and the pictures and the thoughts to go away. Breathed in. _Three, four, five_. And then out. _Two, one, zero_.

Slowly, bit by bit, they faded away. My breathing evened out and my heart calmed itself. I opened my eyes. Stared through the windshield at the depressing clouds. It was starting to rain. Just a drizzle, but enough that you’d get damp stepping out into the open.

A few more deep breaths, and then I reached for the pharmacy bag and took out my new orange bottle. Broke the seal, twisted it open, and fished out a pill. This one was harder to swallow. But I did.

And then I threw it back in the bag and onto the passenger seat. Started the car. Hank’s place wasn’t far. I’d only come to this pharmacy ‘cause it was close to his place.

The drive there was quiet. I kept my mind on the road and the weather, the sound of rain gently pitter-pattering against my car, windshield wipers lazily dragging across the glass every 30 seconds or so. Avoided thinking about androids with bright eyes and a familiar face that was somehow different enough that it didn’t make me think about purple.

I pulled into Hank’s driveway after a few minutes. He was parked half on the front lawn. Nothing new there. I thought about just throwing my car into park and getting out, but… _fuck_. I hadn’t talked to Hank in months. And he’d been watching after Kida for me. It felt wrong to just grab her and leave.

So I turned my car off and took a deep breath. Glanced in my rear view. Her favorite blanket was laid out over the backseat along with a few of her toys. The thought of seeing her again made my chest warm and chased away all the nagging doubts.

I let the rain fall around me as I got out of the car. Leaning far too heavily on my cane. It took me a second to find my balance. I felt a bit off-centre. It was fine.

The living room light was clearly on. I could see movement inside, though the blinds were drawn so I couldn’t make out much else. My finger hovered over the doorbell before I remembered how annoying it was. I opted to knock instead.

I listened to the soft rainfall on the roof above me. Swallowed a bout of nervous energy. Hank answered the door after a few seconds. Gave me a quick once-over before stepping to the side.

“Hey, kid. Come on in.”

“Thanks.”

I kicked my boots off on the mat and tossed my coat over the chair by the door. I hadn’t been to Hank’s place that many times, but I knew he wasn’t finicky about what went where. Anywhere there was space was fine by him.

The last time I’d been here had been… Oh boy. **No**. I did not want to dredge that memory back up. For a lot of different reasons. I shook my head to stop the onslaught I already felt coming over me. Looked around the living room to distract myself.

It was mostly the same. Maybe a little cleaner. TV still in the far corner, desk just next to the door, fireplace in front of the couch. My eyes fell on two shapes huddled in front of the fire.

One big, bulky form curled in on themselves. Clearly a Saint Bernard. Sumo. And the second, much smaller, splayed out on her back with her paws straight up in the air above her, slowly kicking and twitching every few seconds. My heart jumped into my throat. Kida, my little collie-retriever mutt.

I stopped behind the couch, just watching her for a moment. She was dreaming, tongue lolled out the side of her mouth. Her favorite way to sleep, even though it looked insanely uncomfortable. It was the cutest shit I’d ever seen.

My shoulders tensed and my nose burned. For the first time in months, I actually felt happy. Nothing else. Nothing trying to pry into my head, nothing weighing down on me. Just happy to see her. Happy she was okay. Happy that she seemed to be happy.

“You eat yet?”

I turned to Hank as he spoke. He was in the kitchen, looking to me over his shoulder as he stood in front of the fridge. I hadn’t, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him that. Apparently I hesitated for a moment too long, though, because he smirked. I barely caught him roll his eyes as he turned away from me.

“I’m taking that as a ‘no.’ Si’down. I’ve got leftovers.” His tone told me there was no point in arguing. I thought of trying anyway. I didn’t.

His couch seemed more comfortable than I remembered. Then again, the last time I’d sat on it I fell asleep and woke up half on the floor. My neck and shoulders had been very angry with me, but I hadn’t _really_ slept on the couch. At least not entirely.

Kida seemed to stir as I sat down. Her tongue fell back into her mouth and she sneezed as she rolled over onto her stomach. I went completely still, not entirely sure if I should reach out to her or not.

And then she turned and saw me. I’d never seen her jump up so fast. She was on my lap barking up a storm in half a second. Her paws couldn’t decide where to settle, jumping from my thighs to my stomach to my chest and then my shoulders. She’d always been something of a lap dog but she was _completely_ on top of me.

Her fur was soft. I tried to hold her away from me a bit, but I wasn’t trying too hard. My face was completely covered with sloppy puppy kisses by the time she started to calm down. I couldn’t help the giggles that bubbled up in my chest. And suddenly I felt so much better.

Eventually she did get over the excitement, though, and settled into my lap. Rolled onto her back and happily accepted belly rubs and scratches behind her ear.

I felt like everything would be okay.

* * *

> **DATE**
> 
> Friday January 28, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 2:04 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Northwest Detroit, Rehabilitation Institute

I wanted to like Mollie Gallagher. I really, really did. With her sun-bleached hair twisted into two side braids, dark olive skin, and perfectly painted nails folded over the puffy orange sleeves on her arms, she was the picture of maternal comfort. But then her eyes narrowed accusingly at me from across her office and that comfort turned into disapproval and any amicable feeling I had towards her melted away. I was a contrarian like that.

I didn’t know anything about her personally, but if I had to guess, I’d say she was a mother. She nailed the ‘I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed’ vibe way too well to not be.

“You’re having so much trouble walking because you’re trying to push yourself too much without proper treatment.”

I rolled my eyes and let out a huff to keep from scoffing too loudly. “My body was tired of sitting on its ass in bed all day.”

Mollie smiled. She had this look about her, lips pursed in a twisted smirk that was halfway between motherly and condescending. “I know you want to just go back to how things were before you lost your leg. But you’re going to make it worse if you keep pushing yourself like this without help.”

Almost as if on cue, a sharp ache radiated through my left thigh. It burned. Even with the cane, there was always too much pressure on my muscles. Too much pinching, too much weight, too much _everything_. I did my best to ignore it.

But part of me knew that Mollie was right. Part of me didn’t care. I leaned against the wall across from her desk, letting my full weight fall on my right leg. The weight of my body lifted off my aching muscles and it took a deep breath and white knuckles on my cane to keep from hissing at the pain.

“And that’s beside the fact that you don’t have a properly fitted DTL. I’m not sure how you got them to give you that hunk of junk—” she made a point to click the pen as she lifted it to motion at my prosthetic, “—but you shouldn’t be using it.”

“I can manage.”

Mollie sighed, eyes narrowed at me like I was a disobedient child. Maybe I was acting like one.

“I’m sure you think you can.”

She paused, eyes raking over me as she chewed on the end of her pen. That annoyingly mixed smirk still plastered on her face. She knew she was right, I knew she was right, and worst of all, she knew that I knew she was right. I didn’t know whether to congratulate her on out-bitching me or hate her for not letting me wallow.

“Your thigh’s probably killing you all the time, even when you’re laying in bed with the DTL off. You don’t know how to keep the knee locked when you walk. The skin’s chaffed and you don’t want to go without the prosthetic because the area’s overly sensitive to pressure and touch without it.”

I clenched my jaw and fixed my stare on the back of the chairs by her desk. It felt like I was being reprimanded. I mean, I _was_ , but still. I didn’t like it.

“I’m not letting you skip physio that you need just because you’re impatient. You’ll only end up disappointed when it doesn’t work. Not to mention in pain.”

“Maybe you’re just not as good as you think you are.” I fixed her with a defiant stare, chin held higher than I had any right to hold it.

Her eyes hardened and she sighed. I suddenly felt like I’d said the wrong thing. My shoulders sagged and my head fell ever so slightly. Suddenly unsure.

“Alison.” She paused before she continued. I felt myself fall further in as she did. “I’m not here to fight with you. I’m here to _help you_. But I can’t do that if you won’t let me.”

Guilt ate away at my chest. My mask fell as I second-guessed my stand-off-ish attitude. I didn’t want this. Any of it. But I couldn’t change it.

 _Fuck_.

Seconds ticked by and then minutes as I chewed on my cheek. Considering. _Goddamnit_. I couldn’t do this anymore.

My heart was loud in my head as my eyes fell to the floor. Fingers digging into my palm. All I could do was nod, lump caught in my throat. Breath stuttering and uneven. I felt so fucking _weak_.

“Alison. Look at me.”

I hesitated, but Mollie waited. I met her stare after a couple seconds. She wore a smile now, but it wasn’t condescending or judgemental like I’d expected it to be. It was warm and kind and open and it made me feel… better.

“I’m here for you. Okay?”

Again, all I could do was nod. She returned the gesture and then stood up. Beckoned me to follow her out of the office. Her hand was warm on my shoulder as she gently laid it there, a friendly smile on her face.

“Let’s get you a DTL that actually fits, yeah?”

I didn’t say much for the rest of the appointment. Mollie brought me to get fitted for a custom prosthetic. ‘DTL’s, they were called. _Detachable transitory limb_. Clever. The idea was to eventually get a CPL— _cybernetic permanent limb_ —which attached to your bone and nerve endings. Some of them had detachable parts that you could swap out, but those were the fancy add-ons. I couldn’t even afford the basic model.

Not to mention the itch in the back of my mind to just make my own.


	3. Work Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked away again. Nodded. Tried to breathe around the lump in my throat. Listened to the rhythmic _thump, thump, thumping _in my ear. Blood rushed through my temples and made me lightheaded. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind. Let myself get lost in the stinging of harsh raindrops against my face for a moment.__
> 
> __And then I took another breath and braced myself for a worse sting. I opened my eyes and turned back to Hank. Pulled at the edge of my collar with my free hand. Dropped my stare to the ground behind him. I stared at Connor’s shoes for a second. Black dress shoes. Shiny. They looked brand new. I let my eyes take him in. One thing at a time, before I met his eyes and set my jaw tight. Fighting against my head. Wild thoughts racing. I pushed them down as best I could._ _
> 
> __He was different. Had replaced the old CyberLife-issued uniform with a dark hooded overcoat and a black dress shirt. Longer hair than I remembered curled and pushed to the side. It somehow made him look boyish and more sophisticated at the same time._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all over the place with editing, so this is a bit later than I expected/wanted it to be! Rest assured that the entire thing is written, so it'll be up in full at some point lol Just have to find the time to edit the parts I'm nitpicking.

> **DATE**
> 
> Friday January 28, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 6:27 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Android Junkyard

The air was cold. Not unsurprisingly. It had been cold all week. Today, though, was the worst so far.

Maybe it was just the outskirts of Detroit, but the wind was howling something fierce. There wasn’t much rain, just some drops here and there, but they felt like ice. Especially when they were being pelted sideways into your face at almost 30 miles per hour. Even when the wind settled for a few seconds, the air was dry and frigid and made my nostrils stick.

My coat was tied tightly around me, scarf tucked snuggly into the high collar. I was glad Chase had thought to grab it from the apartment. I hadn’t even considered winter stuff when they’d asked me what I wanted them to get.

The gloves helped, but the hand on my cane was still somewhat damp and my fingers were starting to hurt. I hadn’t been standing there too long, looking out over the pile of dead androids. It had always been a haunting sight, but now it was just disturbing. At least there weren’t any half-dead ones down there anymore.

That had been one of Markus’ requests. I’d almost forgotten that he’d been thrown in here after he got shot. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must’ve been like to have had to climb his way out. It made sense that he’d wanna clean it up. _Plus, it’s kinda fucked up anyway_. Could you imagine if humans threw our dead bodies and “discarded” parts in a trash heap? Throw on top of that dumping people with a disability or mental illness in the same place. _Very, very fucked up_.

A few people walked through the maze of abandoned parts and biocomponents, picking things up here and there. Some of them were city workers. Some weren’t. Scrappers. They were why I was here.

There weren’t many official ordinances banning android part trading yet. The laws were still pretty lax. As long as you weren’t straight-up selling CyberLife’s precious discarded parts, you were fine. Or if you didn’t get caught. There was also the mod workaround. Lot of people salvaged what they could find and then tinkered it into something else. Something new. There was a pretty lively underground mod market running in New Jericho.

Despite my withdrawal from a lot of things the last few months, I wasn’t stupid enough to not keep my ear to the ground. I still had _some_ connections. You tended to make friends with your CIs if you were good, anyway. The “off-books” informants I’d worked with may have been a bit less forthcoming, but not all of them. A decent chunk were actually more eager to work with me now that I wasn’t on the force anymore. Go figure.

“Well, well, well.”

I turned to the voice as they walked up to me. Aisling Burke, more colloquially known as Ash. She’d always given me a run for my money. Trying to bail her out of whatever she got into in exchange for intel hadn’t always been easy. She was a troublemaker. And she looked it, too.

Covered in mud and Thirium and who knew what else, but her green eyes were still as bright and lively as ever. They always looked like she was about to tell you something she was inordinately proud about having broken five seconds before you walked up to her. Her dark red hair was pulled into a messy, fraying Dutch braid. Her work goggles fell off to the side of her head and she was limping.

“If it ain’t lil miss ‘tective.” She clapped me on the shoulder with her good hand, crooked smile making her look more conspiratorial than friendly. “It’s good ta see ya, Grace.”

She was only slightly taller than me. Maybe that was why I liked her. Maybe it was because she was just as sarcastic and bitter as I was. Maybe it was a bit of both.

“Hey, Ash. Good to see you too.” I lowered my eyes to her ankles, one of which she was clearly favoring over the other. “You lose another limb or something?”

She rolled her eyes and let her hand fall back to her side before resting her fist on her hip. Hip jutted out way too far to one side, chin high in the air, one eyebrow pulled up at the corner. It was a sight to behold. Then again, she always was.

“Is jus’ sprained. But, hey, look’it this!” She pushed her sleeve up her left arm and reached out to my cane. Eyes way too excited. “We match!”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the grin that tugged at my lips. Her golden mechanical arm still shined as brilliantly as ever, even in the gloomy light from an overcast sky. She’d always preferred the antique steampunk vibe to the clean look of modern robotics. So, she’d made her own arm. It suited her.

“Yeah, yeah. Your prosthetic looks much better than mine, though. Probably works better too.”

“I could make one fer ya! Special order. Half off. Y’know, since yer somethin’ of a friend.” Her wink was more mischievous than playful. I knew what she meant.

“Maybe another time. For now, I’ve got a different proposition for you.”

Curiosity picked at her features, drawing her brows together and pursing her lips. “Am listening, ‘tective.”

I pulled my tablet out of my bag and handed it to her. Her long, slender metal fingers grasped the edge of the tablet with a delicateness I wouldn’t have expected if I didn’t already know how good she was. She’d graduated top of our class, and our class had been competitive as shit.

“I wanna buy parts from you.”

The surprise on her face wasn’t entirely unexpected. I’d done _very_ little with my degree since I’d gotten it. Even refused to work with Ash on a few occasions when she’d asked. The only thing she knew I’d done in the field since we were classmates was a very brief stint in illegal robot fighting. I doubt she knew about Jericho. At least, not that it was me.

There _were_ rumors going around in some circles. Someone who’d helped the androids before Jericho had gone down. In some stories it was a whole underground group. Some versions painted them as a betrayer. I probably owed Markus and co a thank you for my anonymity in the whole affair. Especially considering my disappearance when they probably could’ve used me the most.

 _Fuck, I really do suck_.

“You… wanna buy bits.”

I nodded.

“From me?”

Annoyance seeped into my voice a bit. “Yeah.”

Ash looked down at the tablet in her hands. Read over the terms I’d laid out. She took a breath when she was done before glancing back up to meet my eye. I couldn’t quite read the look on her face. Caught somewhere between thoughtfulness and unsurety, maybe?

But then she handed my back my tablet. I put it in my bag and waited. She crossed her arms, mouth partly open, chewing on her lip as she considered.

“Some of yer old buddies are here today.”

I scrunched my forehead, not sure who she meant at first. And then I realized the only people she’d ever called my ‘buddies’ were cops. _Shit_. If someone from DPD was here today, I really shouldn’t be. I knew she was phishing to change the subject, but I bit anyway.

“Who?”

She shrugged. “Some android and the gruff one that makes me think of old detective flicks.”

 _God fucking damnit. Of course it’s them_. I sighed. Glanced around to make sure I didn’t see them anywhere. Nothing. Had they left already?

“They’re still here. Not sure where. I’ve been dodgin’ em.”

I nodded. Turned back to Ash, face set in a stony glare. “You up to sell to me, or not?”

She pursed her lips, jaw tight. We always got touchy if we tried to talk business. But she was the only one I knew wouldn’t end up in something she shouldn’t be. On both extremes.

After a couple seconds she let out a quiet swear and sighed. “Fine. But if I get any whiff o’ anything too up-and-up—”

I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “Don’t worry. Your shady shit’s safe with me. Our deal doesn’t end just cause I’m not a detective anymore.”

She nodded. Pulled her sleeve back down to cover her gold arm. “Gonna make myself scarce. Suggest ya do the same. Neither of us should talk to your old buddies.”

A quick mock-salute and then she turned on her heel and left. I watched her walk until she disappeared behind some old machinery. Looked back down to the junkyard. Maybe I’d reach out to Markus. Apologize for my disappearing act. Offer to help.

Then again, maybe I wouldn’t. I knew how much red tape they were currently wrapped up in. They probably hated it, but that was politics. And business. Underground trades stayed out of all that.

“Ali?”

 _Sonofafuckingbitch_.

Why did I have to keep running into these two in the worst possible circumstances? Maybe it was karma. Maybe I was just unlucky as shit.

I took a deep breath and slowly turned on my heel, letting my eyes sweep the ground before I raised them to meet Hank’s. I tried not to think about the nightmares featuring the android standing just behind him.

“Hank.” A pause. Deep breath. “Connor.” The name still tasted weird in my mouth. Like copper or iron.

“What are you doin’ out here, kid?”

I glanced out over the junkyard. Trying to think of a plausible lie. “Visiting an old friend.”

Not technically a lie. We had been something like friends, once. Until we weren’t. Hank crossed his arms as he looked over me. Trying to decide if he believed me or not, probably.

Before he could say anything else, though, I added, “Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

He raised an eyebrow. Looked me up and down. I tried to ignore the piercing brown fixed on me to his right. After a few moments he sighed. He probably knew why I was asking.

“The funeral?”

_Of course he knows. He was always good like that._

I looked away again. Nodded. Tried to breathe around the lump in my throat. Listened to the rhythmic _thump, thump, thumping_ in my ear. Blood rushed through my temples and made me lightheaded. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind. Let myself get lost in the stinging of harsh raindrops against my face for a moment.

And then I took another breath and braced myself for a worse sting. I opened my eyes and turned back to Hank. Pulled at the edge of my collar with my free hand. Dropped my stare to the ground behind him. I stared at Connor’s shoes for a second. Black dress shoes. Shiny. They looked brand new. I let my eyes take him in. One thing at a time, before I met his eyes and set my jaw tight. Fighting against my head. Wild thoughts racing. I pushed them down as best I could.

He was different. Had replaced the old CyberLife-issued uniform with a dark hooded overcoat and a black dress shirt. Longer hair than I remembered curled and pushed to the side. It somehow made him look boyish and more sophisticated at the same time.

His eyes weren’t hard like I’d expected, but in my head they were. Swirls of red and purple and brown and black spotted in my vision. I blinked them away, willing myself to focus on the rain and the wind and the cold. They were very grounding. Pain tended to do that. It pulled at your consciousness like flies to vinegar.

But then the echoes of a loud ‘bang’ and distant screams started to get louder and I had to look away before they overtook me. I breathed in, leaving my mouth hung open a bit to catch salty drops of ice.

My lips trembled as I spoke. “It’d be nice if you were there.”

Another breath in. I almost choked on the rain. It was better than choking on my thoughts. I turned back to Hank. And then to Connor. His smile was hesitant and warm and soft and it felt like I would drown in it.

“Both of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, new people! I love Ash so much. Probably way too much for a little side character, but it is what it is haha I think I have a type? Apparently lol


	4. Heart in Debt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She pulled me into a hug, arms wrapped tight around me like she always used to. It all kind of hit me at once.
> 
> Torrents of mumbled apologies fell from my lips, mixed with half-spoken explanations and whimpers that I tried to suppress. Caprice just held me for a minute, gripping my shoulder tight with one hand and rubbing soothing circles with the other. I did my best to hold my tears back but they came anyway.
> 
> “It’s not your fault, hun.” She held me out at arm’s length and cupped my face with one hand. Her bright amber eyes shined with tears. “I want you to know that, okay?” She tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “I love you, Ali.”

> **DATE**
> 
> Saturday January 29, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 9:34 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Southwest Detroit

“You really should lay off those things.” Chase crossed their arms over their chest, looking down at me with a critical eye.

I let out a half-assed chuckle before taking a long, drawn out puff of my cigarette. I held the smoke in for a second and then blew it out in an impressive cloud. Chase just rolled their eyes. I grinned.

“It’s better than the stuff I used to do, isn’t it?”

They snorted and avoided meeting my eye. “Don’t get me started on that shit. I’d sooner see you strung and quartered than back on that.”

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the edge of my lips. It was hard not to laugh at my past sometimes. Only sometimes, though. Other times… well. Other times led to dredging up feelings like today.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and it was surprisingly warm for late January. Not sure if I would’ve been happier with a shitty, overcast day like the movies always had for funerals. Felt more appropriate at least.

But no. Today’s funeral was punctuated by the most beautiful day we’d had in weeks. Even some of the snow had started to melt. Maybe it was poetic. I’d probably look back on it one day through rose-colored glasses and think that it meant something.

I’d talked Chase into walking to the funeral home (what a dumb fucking idea) even though they’d grabbed a taxi to the hotel to pick me up. I still refused to get in those things. Didn’t trust them for shit. Especially not today.

And then I’d gotten a wicked craving and my thigh hurt and _fuck_ I just wanted to stop for a bit. So here I was, leaning against the wall in an alleyway, prosthetic propped up against the brick, sucking on tar and nicotine.

I took another puff and then sighed, watching my breath mix with the smoke. I’d done worse to my body. This was fine. By comparison.

“Let’s get going.” I grabbed my cane and tried to ignore the pain. Would I ever get used to this stupid thing? Probably not. _Fuck_.

“Are we almost there? We don’t have to walk the whole way.”

“Yeah, not too much farther.” I shoved the cig in the corner of my mouth and held it between my teeth. “It’s just past the next corner.”

I dug through the right pocket in my jacket. Nothing but my wallet. _Where the fuck had I put them?_ Other pocket; just my phone and key card. Fuck, I hadn’t left them in the hotel room, had I?

“What are you looking for?”

“My pills.” I didn’t think anything of my answer for a second. And then a beat passed where Chase said nothing and I realized how it sounded so I added: “Painkillers. Prescription. Fuck, I think I left them in—oh!”

I pulled a small orange bottle out of my jacket’s inner pocket. Shook it at Chase, a crooked smile on my face. They just shook their head and looked ahead. I managed to screw the top off with one hand then tipped it just enough to get one pill in my palm. Popped it shut, back in my pocket, tossed the pill in my mouth. They weren’t the easiest to swallow. I’d done worse, though. Kinda killed my gag reflex back in university. Wasn’t keen to revisit those memories, though, so I shook my head and tried to just not think. Enjoy the weather, smell the roses. Whatever.

We turned the corner a minute or two later and I almost wanted to turn around. I’d recognize those two anywhere, even with the fancy getups and a few hard months all around. They were standing by the front gate, talking about who knew what.

Guilt twisted in my gut. _I’m such a fucking asshole._ I’d ignored them for months, too caught up in my own bullshit to even answer their calls. I couldn’t even be bothered to let them know I needed time. I’d just… _fuck_.

I sucked.

Connor had his back to me. _Thank god_. I really needed a minute to get my head around… him. Hank was facing us but was too embroiled in whatever the two were talking about to notice us. Seemed intense. Were they arguing? He was waving his hands in front of his face pretty wildly.

Chase nudged me lightly in the shoulder. “You got this, okay? I promise whatever you’re beating yourself up over right now isn’t worth it.” I met their eye as they talked. “I’m sure they’re just happy you wanted them here, to be here for you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. And, uh.” They glanced at the back of Connor’s head, and then back to me. “If you need a minute, just let me know. I’ll handle them if you need to jump away for a bit, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” I nodded and smiled. Hoped it reached my eyes, but it probably didn’t.

I looked back to the two just in time to catch Hank’s eye. He stopped mid-sentence, hands hovering in the air, and a few expressions passed over his face. Surprise, first. And then sadness, or pity. He settled on a wide grin, though, which was nice. I returned a sheepish smile, still feeling unsure despite Chase’s reassurances.

“Well shit, kid, you’re still alive after all.”

The old nickname brought on the most real smile I’d felt in a while. I couldn’t help it. Familiar warmth grew in my chest and my throat felt tight for a second. A sarcastic quip came to mind but I bit my tongue and kept it to myself given the circumstances. And then Connor turned and the world stopped.

My jaw tightened and my heartbeat sped into a gallop. My nose burned. A million images I wanted to bury flashed in my mind’s eye. Splashes of red, violet hair, daisies, flashing lights…

A comforting hand rested on my arm with a steady squeeze. I turned to Chase. Swallowed the lump in my throat. They smiled at me. I focused on their eyes, replacing harsh brown with soft green. They betrayed Chase’s otherwise intense appearance. Tattoos, piercings, and sharp features concealed the teddy bear underneath.

“Hello, Detective.”

The joking tone reminded me of something about stuffy honorifics and titles on a stressful car ride. A promise I’d almost forgotten finally being kept. The cloud that had started to fall over me slowly dissolved and I could see the sun again. I blinked, steadied my breathing, and looked back up at Connor. That stupid lopsided smile beamed down at me. His eyes really shined with the warmth of it now. Even more so than before.

I fought back an echo of panic that tried to crawl its way to the surface. This was beyond not the time. Maybe this had been a bad idea? _Too late now…_

“You both clean up pretty well. I half expected you to show up in a black hoodie, Hank.” I smirked at Chase’s teasing. It helped ease the tension that had grown in my shoulders.

I leaned on my cane, trying to avoid the brown that was staring at me. I took a quick drag from my cigarette, just about finishing it off. Turned away to blow the smoke towards the street.

“Since when do you smoke, kid?”

A smirk pulled at the corner of my mouth. He didn’t know the half of it. “Old habit I picked up again recently.” I flicked the ash off the end and brought the filter back to my mouth.

“Smoking is notoriously bad for your health.” A pause. I met Connor’s eye. “Detective.”

Oh, he was 100% doing it on purpose. There was no mistaking the teasing in the way the corner of his lip twitched and how his brow raised as he said it. _Fucker_.

I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes a bit. Caught between annoyed and wanting to play along just to see where it went. “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.” I chuckled and shook my head. _Playing along it is_. “You’re not gonna lecture me about the increased risk of cancer or something?”

“Would you listen to me if I did?” He had definitely changed.

“Probably not, no.” I took another drag while I held his stare. A challenge.

He smirked and tilted his head ever so slightly (god _damn_ ). I focused on finishing my cigarette so that we could go inside. Mostly ignored their conversation as Chase joked with Hank and Connor, almost like they were old friends. I felt another pang of guilt as I remembered that they’d been fielding calls from my two (former?) coworkers for months.

Fuck, I was a shitty friend.

I glanced at the funeral home. Jaw clenched. I could still leave. Pretend none of this had ever happened. Get out of Detroit, go somewhere new. Start over. Be somebody else.

“Hey.” A soft voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned to Chase. “You ready to go in?”

I flicked the ash from my cig again. Took the last drag and held it for a second before letting it out with a sigh. _Get it over with_. “Yeah, I guess.”

I hadn’t talked to Caprice since she’d called to tell me about the funeral. It had been… pained, to say the least. I didn’t know what to say. Words would never be enough. It felt weird to be here.

Hank watched me struggle the few steps up the porch. I waved Connor and Chase’s hands away with a disdainful look.

“How’s your leg?”

I looked up at Hank. His face was a mix of concern and pity. I huffed and shook my head, turning my attention back to hauling my ass up the steps. “It’s gone, so, you know, probably not great.”

There was a beat of silence before I met Hank’s eye with a sarcastic smirk. He rolled his eyes.

“Studies show that sarcasm is used to veil feelings of anger, fear, or hurt.”

Hank scoffed and smacked Connor’s shoulder before I had a chance. “Leave the girl alone, kid.”

“Don’t call me ‘girl,’ old man.” The joking came to me like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like we’d never stopped.

Chase shook their head, hands stuffed in their pockets. “You guys are like school kids.”

Hank and Connor stood to either side of the door. I stepped up but hesitated. There was still time to turn around and run away, pretend I was someone else—

 _No_. Fuck, I needed to do this. I’d been running away for months. Long enough.

My throat tightened as I raised my hand. My heartbeat quickened and my palms were sweaty. I grit my teeth and tightened my hold on my cane.

“You’re showing signs of sudden stress and anxiety, Detective.” I could feel Connor’s artificial breath on my neck as he leaned forward to whisper in my ear. _Fucking android_.

A shiver crawled up my back and my fist hovered by the door handle for a second. I turned to look at Connor out of the corner of my eye. He was leaning forward, hands in his pockets, dark eyes looking down on me with a teasing smirk. He was trying to get under my skin. And he was damn good at it.

“Gee, I wonder why, _Detective_.” I’d meant it to come off as a joke, but I couldn’t help the annoyance that crept into my voice. I felt a little bad at the way Connor visibly deflated and leaned away from me. He looked sad. Mouth drawn in a tense line, brows pulled down in a mix of confusion and hurt. _Shit_.

I sighed and mumbled a quick ‘sorry’ over my shoulder before biting the bullet. I opened the door and stepped inside, the others following close behind. Chase stepped up to match my pace and bumped my shoulder.

“She loves you, you know.”

I shook my head and looked down. Could feel the guilt rising in my chest again. “Shut up.”

They breathed a quiet chuckle at my annoyance but didn’t say anything else, just grabbed my hand in theirs with a gentle squeeze. My cheeks burned a little bit, somewhat embarrassed at the tenderness in the simple motion, but I’d invited Hank and Connor to my best friend’s _funeral_. I needed to get out of my own head a little bit.

Caprice’s directions echoed in my head as we walked. _‘Down the hallway, second door on the right.’_

I could hear the chatter of hushed conversations and sniffling funeral-goers. I clenched my jaw, fighting off more winds from the hurricane.

And then we walked into the parlor and I looked up and didn’t know what to do. Caught between wanting to jump into her arms and yell a thousand apologies. My jaw clenched and I felt my pulse quicken. Caprice’s wild brown hair and matching eyes may have been hers and hers alone, but Violet had inherited her face from her mom and _god_ it fucking hurt to see.

Her eyes were red and puffy, but a warm smile spread over her face when she saw me. “Ali, Chase. I’m glad you’re here.” She walked over and stroked her thumb over my cheek before laying a gentle, comforting hand on my shoulder.

I opened my mouth and tried to speak but didn’t know what to say. Anything that would’ve come out died on my lips. Chase noticed my hesitancy and squeezed my hand again, rubbing soothing circles over my thumb.

“It’s good to see you, too, Caprice.” They turned and nodded to the awkward pair trailing us. “This is Hank and Connor, they’re Ali’s friends.”

They all exchanged their pleasantries and ‘sorry for your loss’s as I tried to compose myself. Caprice invited us in with a smile and a wave of her hand.

“Can I get anyone anything to drink? Water, coffee… Vodka?”

I scoffed. “What, no wine?” My voice sounded strangled even to me.

Caprice snorted and smacked my shoulder. “Don’t be sarcastic, Alison.”

I bit my cheek to try and mask my smirk. It didn’t work. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ‘ma’am,’ missy.” She waggled her finger at me from over her shoulder.

Chase caught my eye with a teasing smile. They raised their brow and stuck their tongue out at me. I felt my cheeks heat up and looked away.

Walking into the parlor was… surreal. So many people that I knew only in passing, hadn’t seen in years, had never really talked to. People who had been part of Violet’s life. Part of mine by association. Some of them knew only the worst parts of me. I couldn’t imagine what they must have thought of me now. I tried not to think about it. Tried not to meet their eyes.

Caprice led us over to a few familiar faces at the far end of the room. They all turned to us as we stepped into their little half-circle.

A high-pitched squeal took me somewhat by surprise. I hadn’t seen Bea in a few weeks. I’d almost forgotten how rambunctious she was. She almost knocked me over as she rushed me in a hug.

“Oh, Ali, how are you doing, sweetheart? Are you okay?”

I patted her back after I managed to re-lock the knee on my DTL. I was still getting used to it. “I’ll be fine, Bea. I can’t breathe, though, so that’s a problem.”

Hendy peeled her off me. She smacked his shoulder as he pulled her into his arms and away from me. “Oh, you love it, don’t lie.”

Connor came to stand to my left, hand hovering suspiciously close to mine. “Bea, Hendy. It’s good to see both of you again. I just wish it were under better circumstances.”

Bea reached up and patted Connor’s cheek. A slight tinge of blue colored his artificial skin under her touch and I felt a hint of jealousy spark in my chest.

“Aw, Connor, it’s always a good circumstance when you’re here.”

“Stop flirting, Bea. We’re at Violet’s funeral for god’s sake.” Hendy sent me a sideways glance and a sympathetic grin as he wrangled Bea into his arms. Again. “Lieutenant Anderson. Glad you were able to come.”

Hank snorted and shook his head at the title. “I’m off the clock. Just ‘Hank’ is fine. How are you all holding up?”

I zoned out for the idle chitchat. It wasn’t the first time I’d let my head wander. It didn’t usually lead anywhere good, but I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. I just leaned on my cane, watching everyone.

Chase stuck to my side, still holding my free hand. Hendy kept his arm draped over Bea’s shoulders. They were all clearly keeping an eye on me, shooting silly faces my way every few minutes. Bea was still accosting Hank and Connor, though she’d settled into Hendy’s embrace. Caprice was circling the room, stopping to talk to everyone at least once.

Connor was still lingering to my left. I swear he’d brushed his fingers over mine a few times, but every time I thought he did and glanced down, his hands were in his own bubble, keeping to themselves. That didn’t stop the fluttering in my stomach, though.

The panic I’d been afraid of had subsided. Despite being the same model and having the exact same face, I was starting to notice the differences between him and the other one. Like with twins, I supposed. Mannerisms and personality shined through, made the exact same face look different. The new haircut helped, too.

Caprice interrupted from the front of the parlor with a clap of her hands. She had always been good at commanding a room. “If everyone could take a seat in the salon, we’re ready to start.”

I followed the flow of the crowd, Chase still leading me by the hand. We sat halfway to the front. Listened to the beginning of the service in silence. I tried to tune it out as much as I could. I’d never really liked funerals. Seemed too gimmicky to me. All that talk about the ‘healing process’ and ‘honoring your loved one’s life’ made me feel nauseous.

And then they opened the speeches up to the crowd. I almost wanted to just stay put. Not say anything. But I couldn’t let Caprice down like that. She made eye contact with me from the podium. I sighed.

Chase leaned over, strong hand laid on my thigh, and whispered, “You got this, Ali.”

I took a deep breath and pushed myself up with my cane. Let Chase’s hand fall off my leg and onto the chair. I did my best to ignore the stares and hushed whispers that popped up in the crowd as I limped to the front.

Caprice took my free hand in hers as I got to the podium. She wrapped her other arm around me in a tight hug. “Thanks for being here, Ali. It’d mean a lot to her.”

I nodded as she pulled away. Stepped up to the podium, laying one hand on the edge. I gripped it, nails scraping against the wood. _Just breathe_.

“I’ve known Violet just about all my life. We went to elementary and high school together. Even went to Mercy together.” I smiled, brows pulled together, and looked down at my hand. “I spent holidays with Violet and Caprice since we were teenagers. We were… we were family.”

There were sniffles and coughs throughout the room. The sounds of a quiet crowd. I absent-mindedly chewed on my bottom lip as I talked.

“Violet was like my older sister. She took care of me when I was a mess, made sure I was always safe. I’d be dead a hundred times over if it wasn’t for Violet.” I clenched my jaw, trying to will away the tears that were starting to blur my vision. Stared at the papers on the podium. I couldn’t look at anyone. I’d only see her face. “I just wish I could’ve returned the favor.” Those words were quiet. I didn’t know if anyone had heard them. It didn’t matter. They were just for me, anyway.

I swallowed and let out a shaky breath. Bit my lip. Tried to blink away the tears, but a few spilled over onto my cheek before I could stop them. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. The squeezing in my chest got worse. Like a vice on my heart. I shook my head and turned away. _Fuck, I can’t do this_.

Caprice stepped forward. A tender hand on my shoulder. She helped me unevenly make my way to a wall off to the side. Someone else went up to the podium behind me, started talking, but I wasn’t listening.

“Oh, Ali, baby, come here.” She pulled me into a hug, arms wrapped tight around me like she always used to. It all kind of hit me at once.

Torrents of mumbled apologies fell from my lips, mixed with half-spoken explanations and whimpers that I tried to suppress. Caprice just held me for a minute, gripping my shoulder tight with one hand and rubbing soothing circles with the other. I did my best to hold my tears back but they came anyway.

“It’s not your fault, hun.” She held me out at arm’s length and cupped my face with one hand. Her bright amber eyes shined with tears. “I want you to know that, okay?” She tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “I love you, Ali.”

I smiled. My lips trembled. I tried to say ‘I love you too’ but my voice wavered and my throat closed up.

“I’m just glad I didn’t lose both of you that night.”

I couldn’t help the tears that fell down my cheeks. Caprice pulled me back into a hug. I buried my face in her shoulder. She smelled like bread and cinnamon, just like I remembered.

She held me for a minute before letting me go. Cupped my cheek and wiped a few more tears away. I told her I was okay, thanked her for her help, and shooed her back to the front. She smiled back and nodded, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The tear stains on her skin gave her away, if nothing else.

I leaned against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. My thigh was _killing_ me. I tried not to think about Mollie Gallagher as I rubbed the sore muscles with my thumb. My fingers tapped against my cane and I ran my tongue along the edge of my teeth.

Someone else started talking. I stared at the floor and zoned out. Started thinking about flowers and lavender tea. It didn’t take long for my mind to transition to smoke rings and glowing embers and ashtrays. My fingers started to twitch and I couldn’t focus on any other thoughts.

 _Fuck this_.

I made my way to the door, back out the hallway. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone as I left. The back door of the building opened into a small, paved parking lot on the side of the funeral home.

There were a few cars parked by the brick fence on the other side of the lot. I leaned against the wall a few feet from the door, close to the far corner. Fished a new cig out of the carton in my pocket and lit it. I breathed deep after the first drag.

The air still had a chill to it, even with the warmer-than-usual weather. I watched the clouds of smoke fade into the air, breathing in the chemicals like they’d do anything good. Flicked ash onto the ground. Another drag, blew the smoke, flicked.

I pushed some loose rocks around with my cane. Trying to think about anything else. Ignoring the fact that I was at her funeral.

“Ali?”

His voice almost caught me by surprise, but I wasn’t quite as on edge anymore. I looked over and met his eye for a second before turning back to the parking lot. Another puff in, held it for a few seconds, and then out.

“Connor.”

He walked over slowly. Stopped a respectable distance away, though still within arms reach, and copied my pose, back leaned against the brick. He had his hands in his pockets. I’d noticed he tended to do that more often than not. Paired with the new confidence, it gave him a touch of Hank’s grizzled detective vibe. It suited him.

“I’m sorry about your friend. I can tell you two were very close.”

I flicked more ash onto the ground. Sighed as I watched the ember flicker in the wind. “Yeah. We, uh. We grew up together.”

“You mentioned spending holidays with her and Caprice. Were your parents friends as well?”

I lifted the cig back to my lips. Held it between my teeth for a second, breathing through my nose, and then took another drag and blew a few smoke rings. Connor didn’t say anything. I saw him watching the smoke rings out of the corner of my eye. I smiled.

“Learned how to do that in uni.” I finished off the last of the cigarette, blew another ring, and then put it out. “Fun party trick.”

I chewed on the inside of my lip as I met Connor’s stare. _God, he has fucking beautiful eyes_. He had his head tilted to the side with that damn curious look that made my stomach flip when he fixed it on me.

“You’re deflecting with humor.”

I scoffed and chuckled. Damn android could read me like a book. I’d say it wasn’t fair, but it was kinda nice to be called on my shit for once. Maybe I’d get tired of it eventually. Maybe I wouldn’t.

“Yeah.” I looked back out at the parking lot. Already itching for another cigarette. Not a nicotine craving this time, just wanted something to do with my hands. I felt fidgety. “I, um. I had kind of a shitty time growing up. Dad was a drunk and an addict, mom tried but never really helped. I… fell into his habits, for a while.” I sighed, not eager to repeat the memories, but it felt like I owed Connor some sort of explanation. It might not explain the last few months of silence but it was something.

“Violet and I went to school together. I spent a lot of time at her house, and Caprice just kinda took me under her wing. My sist—” I stopped myself. Tears pricked at my eyes and threatened to spill over. I took a second to clear my throat and blink them away before I continued. “My sister kinda did her own thing.”

I was quiet for a minute. I could see Connor watching me, seemingly chewing on something in his mind. “I haven’t heard you talk about your sister before. Did you have some kind of falling out?”

I couldn’t help the sad grin that pulled at the corners of my lips. It wasn’t the most pleasant memory, but… Fuck, I’d buried it deep enough. Violet was gone. I’d pushed Hank and Connor and just about everyone except Chase away for months. Maybe it was time to stop being such a closed off asshole.

“Maisie was my opposite in just about every way. Chem geek, overachiever, great at school, social butterfly.” I smirked. “I was the moon and Maisie was the sun.”

My fingers twitched. I pulled at the edge of my sleeves, scratching the rough fabric between my nails. Breathed in, clenched my teeth, breathed out.

“When I was maybe 16 or so, dad came home madder than he usually was.” My voice was quieter, now. It was hard to talk. Felt like my throat was trying to keep me silent. “I usually tried to keep Maisie out of it, but it was like he couldn’t focus. Kept leaving me to go after her.” I had to stop and clear my throat to keep my voice from breaking. I was past tears at that point. “At some point he left to go get something—another beer, a belt, his gun, who knows—and I grabbed Maisie and shoved us both out the window. We went running into the woods and I called Violet.”

I couldn’t take the fidgeting anymore. Screw the health risks, I needed another cigarette. It took me a second to fumble in my pocket and pull one out of the pack. I held it between my lips and lifted a shaking hand to light it. Quick puff in and out. It felt better to have something between my fingers. Something to do with my hand.

“Her mom and dad came to pick us up in one of those self-driving taxis. Violet was at rehearsal or something, was gonna meet us at home.” Another drag. Flicked off the ash. “They were… surprised at how beat up we were when they picked us up. Insisted on taking us to the hospital. They were fussing over us when we got hit on the passenger side by some hit-and-run asshole. Flipped us a few times. Violet’s dad was killed on impact. Maisie was… she was bad.” My voice broke on the last words. I swallowed.

“Ali, you don’t have to—”

I shook my head and interrupted Connor with a wave of my hand. “Don’t. Don’t do that. I don’t need the pity.” I sighed. Inhaled more nicotine. “The car stopped upside down. I had my leg pinned. We sat there for a few hours before they could get me and Caprice out. Maisie…” I took a deep breath. Steadied myself as best as I could. My voice came out as a shaky whisper. “She was gone by the time they got us out.”

Silence lingered in the air for a few seconds. Connor gently laid his hand on my arm and squeezed. I turned to him. Connor, with his sweet, sympathetic eyes and comforting smile. _Did he always have those little freckles?_

“That’s awful, Ali. I…” He paused, looked down like he wasn’t sure what to say. When he met my eyes again, he turned to face me fully. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

I nodded. Closed my lips around the cig’s filter. My eyes fell to the ground. I hesitated for a second before turning to lean my shoulder against the wall. Eyes still trailed on the ground.

I inhaled. Looked back out at the parking lot and blew a few more smoke rings. A small smile tugged at the edge of my lips. “Most people think that’s hot.”

He still had his hand on my arm, thumb rubbing little circles on my shoulder. “Humor is a fairly common and effective coping mechanism for dealing with trauma and vulnerability.”

I couldn’t help the snort of a chuckle that came out of my throat. I shook my head as I turned to face Connor. “You’re just a walking encyclopedia, aren’t you.”

“I do essentially have the entirety of human knowledge in my head.”

My fingers started to twitch. I was suddenly very aware of how close we were. Connor’s hand on my shoulder. He looked down at me with those stupid brown eyes, flitting over my face like he was looking for something. He opened his mouth to speak and then paused, his jaw clenched.

“Listen, Connor, I—” The way his eyes softened as I started to speak made my throat tighten. I had to swallow and take a quick breath to find my voice again. The flutter in my stomach was back. “I’m sorry for dodging your calls the last few months. It’s—I mean, I’ve been—” It was hard to find the right words. I wasn’t good at this.

“You don’t have to apologize, Ali. That night, what you must have gone through…” He squeezed my shoulder, fingers digging into my jacket. “You just needed time. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, brows furrowed. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

“You’re not supposed to be that understanding.”

He tilted his head to one side. _Be still my beating heart_. “What do you mean?”

“You should be angry or frustrated or mad or yelling, or, or…”

“Those first three were all synonyms.”

I almost shoved his shoulder with my free hand before I remembered I still had a lit cigarette between my fingers. I stared at it for a second, mind blank, before bringing it to my mouth and taking another drag. Tapped the filter to flick off the excess ash. I smiled.

“After the revolution, for a while I was just so mad. At everything. At the world, at myself, at…” I hesitated. Looked down and bit my cheek before continuing. “At you, and the androids, and… and _him_.”

Deep breaths. It felt good to say it. It’d been rattling around in my head for the last few months. I wanted to get it out.

“All I could think about was what I’d lost. Violet, my leg…” I took another drag. Blew the smoke down. It wafted back up into my face. “And that it seemed like it had all been for nothing. I hadn’t accomplished anything, hadn’t actually done anything to help Markus or the androids. It was like nothing came of it except a lot of loss. But…”

I bit the inside of my lip again. Chewed on the skin for a second. And then took a deep breath and looked up at Connor.

“I don’t wanna be angry and sad all the time. It’s exhausting. I feel like a shell that’s just filled with hate. And I… I don’t wanna be that person.”

Connor had that sweet, puppy-dog look in his eyes. Cute little smile tugging at the edge of his lips. He lifted his second hand to my face, fingers curled into his palm, and gently ran his thumb over my cheek. Traced my jaw with his fingers and lifted my chin. My breath caught in my throat. I clenched my jaw and tensed my shoulders.

“I missed you.” It came out like a reflex. My face burned. I didn’t like this feeling of vulnerability. “A-and Hank. You and Hank.” I coughed to clear my throat. “I missed you both.”

Connor smirked, but his hands fell back to his side. He straightened his jacket. He was still close, leaning over me with that ridiculously attentive look. It made me feel uneasy.

“We missed you as well.” He leaned forward a bit further, artificial breath hot on my face. “Detective.”

The door behind him opened with a loud ‘clang’ and I scurried back from Connor, red-faced and flustered. I shoved the cig in my mouth and my hands in my pockets. Grabbed for my little bottle.

“There you two are!”

I was too busy fussing with the orange cap to pay Hank and co much attention as they came out into the parking lot with us. Chase made eye contact with me as I swallowed another pill. If they thought anything of it, they didn’t say it. Just raised an eyebrow as I shrugged.

My hands were shaking as I shoved them back in my pockets along with the painkillers. I just about jumped out of my skin when Hank clapped a hand down on my shoulder.

“Jesus, kid, a little jumpy today?”

I sighed and let my breath out slowly. “I’m just fidgety. I’m fine.”

“Uh huh.”

I twisted the bottle between my fingers. Picked at the ridges along the edge and rolled the cig between my teeth.

“Listen, kid.” Hank let his hand fall away from me, moving forward to shield our conversation from the rest of the group. “You got any plans after this? Dinner or something?”

The edge started to fall away again, replaced by the start of euphoria creeping into my bones like tingling chills. I forced myself to take my hands out of my pockets and stop fidgeting. Or tried to, at least. My fingers intertwined over my chest and I fiddled with the already-chipping polish.

“Why, you wanna take me out on a date, Lieutenant?”

Hank rolled his eyes but his smirk betrayed him. He paused before he answered, casting half a glance to his side where Connor was chatting away with my friends, and then leaned forward and whispered, “I’ve got a feeling I’m not the one you’re waiting to ask you out, kid.”

* * *

> **DATE**
> 
> Saturday January 29, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 7:26 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Jimmy’s Bar

I sighed as I stared at the basket of fries in front of me. Let my head fall to the one side, arms folded on the table in front of me. My fingers picked at the fraying fabric of my jacket.

Hank cleared his throat as he slid back into the booth across from me. Raised an eyebrow at the untouched food in front of me. “Not gonna eat?”

My eyes fell to the burger platter in front of me. I’d pushed it away a bit when I’d leaned my arms on the table. “No, I’ll eat.” I sighed and cocked my head as I met Hank’s stare again. “Just got lost in though is all.”

“Oh yeah?” Hank reached out to shove a few fries into his mouth as he spoke. I nodded. “What about?”

He had always gotten straight to the point. No beating around the bush, no games. I liked that about Hank.

“Oh, you know, the usual.”

And I hated that about me. Even with the one person I knew for a fact would never judge me, I still hid. He wouldn’t have a leg to stand on even if he wanted to judge. He was just as bad. Maybe worse.

Hank scoffed and leaned forward. He had a very convincing ‘don’t bullshit me’ look when he did that. _He would’ve been a good dad_.

“Don’t bullshit me, kid.” _There it is_. “You’ve been through the ringer these past few months. Don’t try to tell me you’re not hangin’ by a thread.”

A smirk pulled at the corner of my mouth. If there was anyone I _couldn’t_ hide from, try as I might, it was Hank. He’d recognize the signs of BS from a mile away.

 _Why did I agree to dinner, then_?

Maybe a part of me wanted to get called on it. Maybe I was tired of burying.

I reached out to grab a fry. Just kind of stared at it for a second, waving it around as I thought over what to say. “I’ve been through worse.”

Hank scoffed. My eyes shot up to his face just in time to catch him rolling his eyes and leaning back to cross his arms.

“I’ll be fine.” My voice was quiet when I said that. Even I didn’t believe me.

I sighed and chewed on my nail instead of my food. Hank didn’t say anything, just kept staring at me with that look on his face. I couldn’t tell if it was a dad thing or a lieutenant thing. Either way, it was working. I swallowed before I spoke.

“I liked to think that I didn’t need anyone for anything, y’know. I could take care of myself.”

Hank was quiet. He unfolded his arms to lean on the table, face relaxing to an open expression.

“But I guess Violet—” Her name felt so weird in my mouth. It wasn’t the first time I’d said it since she’d… since she was… since that night. But. Well. I hadn’t really talked about her since. “I rely on her more than I thought I did. More than I realized.”

He nodded. Seemed like he knew what I meant. Maybe he did. I knew a lot about him, probably more than most, but he was still pretty closed off. We had that in common.

“She was family. It’s hard to lose family.”

I nodded this time. Eyes falling to the fry I was still holding in one hand. “Yeah.”

Part of me was itching for a fight, I think. I kind of wanted to tell him to stop prying. Stop pitying. But I was just so fucking tired. So, instead, I answered a different question I knew he wanted to ask.

“I figured out what I’m gonna do.” A pause. “Since I’m not on the force anymore, I mean.”

“Oh yeah?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly curious. Waiting for me to continue.

I nodded. Shoved the fry into my mouth. It was way too salty. “Mhm. Figured I may as well use my degree.”

“Engineering, wasn’t it?”

“Yupp.”

“Well.” I looked up to meet his eye again. Grabbed another fry. “That’s good, kid.”

We ate in mostly silence. He didn’t really ask questions. Knew I probably wouldn’t answer them anyway. He let me volunteer information, but I didn’t give him much. Just bits and pieces. _I’m staying at Traveller’s for a bit, yes I have enough savings to be okay, no I’m not doing anything illegal._ Maybe I lied a bit.

It was fine.


	5. Wish I Could Be Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw Nines nod and walk away out of the corner of my eye. I was still watching her back. She was smoking, turning her head slightly towards me every time she exhaled.
> 
> _“Fun party trick.”_
> 
> The memory of her biting the inside of her lip as she looked up at me with wide, cloudy blue eyes popped into my interface.
> 
> _She scoffed and laughed and looked away. Cheeks reddening so slightly she probably didn't even notice. I wanted to run my hand over her skin and pull her towards me and—_
> 
> I felt the resistors in my face heat up as I dismissed the memory. Now was not the time to dwell on such things. I had a job to do.

> **DATE**
> 
> Sunday January 30, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 9:26 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> New Jericho

Ash had sent me a name and an address. Vilhemina, in New Jericho. Supposed to be something of a middleman. Or a fence. I didn’t fucking know. I wasn’t _completely_ new to the underground trade, but I’d never actually participated. I was trusting Ash not to screw me over. Maybe that was a mistake.

I hoped not.

It was the first time I’d been to New Jericho. It was nice. An interesting mix of industrial and solarpunk aesthetics. Classic brick and metal siding covered most buildings while bushes and moss and trees gave the streets some extra color. Side streets were decorated with unlit neon signs and dangling bulbs on wires. It probably looked like a magical, twinkling light show at night. During the day, though, it was just kinda dingy.

The cig between my teeth was starting to burn out. I huffed out the last bit of smoke before I found a disposal and tossed it. I shoved my hands in my pockets and resisted the urge to light up another one. Buggers were expensive. I had enough problems right now. Finances were already looming, but I didn’t need to add to them.

I checked my phone. Looked back up at the building. Yep. This was it. A bookstore laid in the corner of a brick building with black wood trims around the entrance. It gave off rustic, cozy city vibes. Books were haphazardly piled on an overcrowded shelf in the front window.

The bell above the door dinged as I stepped inside. It was warm and smelled like paper and coffee. Wrapped me up in a homey hug as the door closed behind me.

There weren’t many people in the store. Someone behind the front desk, another employee at a coffee stand near the back, and a couple browsing off to the left. I made my way around the maze of book tables to the main checkout.

The woman watched me as I walked up. Dark eyes swirling with warmth, like a red and orange cloud of stars in a cold, dark night sky. Her smile was gentle. Not too aggressively cheery, but just enough to reach her eyes and put you at ease. She looked like the shop smelled.

“Hey there. You lookin’ for something in particular?”

I kept my hands in my pocket. This felt eerily similar to going undercover as a detective. I didn’t like the lack of backup, though. If something went wrong it was all on me. Nobody would come and save me. There was nobody to call for help, or to get me out.

I took a breath before I spoke. “I’m looking for Vilhemina.” Her eyes hardened for a second at the name. Her smile didn’t twitch, but it didn’t look quite so comforting anymore. “Ash sent me.”

She quirked one eyebrow up and looked me up and down. There was a long pause as she seemed to take me in. Maybe deciding whether or not to tell me to piss off. I wouldn’t blame her if she did.

But then the warm mask switched on again and she cocked her head to the side, toward a dark wood door that probably led to the back room. “Head on into the back. I’ll get someone to watch the store for me and be right there.”

Ah. So she was my contact. Was she an android? I couldn’t tell. She didn’t have an LED. Could’ve removed it, though. You couldn’t just pop them off, but it wasn’t that hard to take out if you had half a brain and a flathead screwdriver. It was possible to force it, but there’d be a scar. She didn’t have one.

I nodded. Didn’t say anything else, just turned and walked through the store and into the back. It was much less homey than the rest of the store. Very basic backroom vibes. Fluorescent lights, white and beige tiles, a few boxes piled by the wall.

There was a worn wooden table in the middle of the room. Two other doors led further into the back area. One on the left, the other on the right. Boxes piled against the far wall, some still taped up and others half unpacked. I trailed my hand over the table as I walked around it, my cane tapping against the cold floor with every step.

Fuck, I really wanted another cig now. My thigh was starting to ache again and my hands twitched. Maybe I could get a quick one out? Just a few drags, a couple seconds, then back inside.

I looked between the two doors on either side of the room. No idea which led where. They looked identical. Probably led to a hallway before the back alley. Well…

Right it is.

It was a push-open door, but it was kind of heavy. I had to lock the knee for my DTL before I tried to push it. I wasn’t too great at balancing on my one good leg yet. I felt so lopsided.

The door opened to a bathroom. A couple stalls on one side, blinking fluorescents overhead, and some sinks and a cracked mirror against the other wall. I was about to let the door swing closed and try the other one when something caught my eye. It took my brain a second to catch up as I stared at the blue puddle leaking out from one of the stalls.

_Is that…?_

Thirium. At least, it looked liked it. Fuck, I hoped not. Maybe it was just the toilet water.

_But why would it be blue?_

If they’d just cleaned it, maybe… _Shit_. I had to check, if only just to quash my paranoia.

The bathroom was empty, and I got an eerie feeling as I stepped onto the white tiles and let the door close behind me. A shiver crawled up my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The air suddenly felt thicker and unwelcoming. _I shouldn’t be in here_.

My steps echoed as I moved towards the second stall. One at a time. Eyes fixed on the crack under the chipping blue door. My breathing was shallow, heartbeat picking up with every movement. Goosebumps raised on my arms and I couldn’t help the chill that ran through me.

I took a deep, moderately steadying breath before I pushed the stall door. It wasn’t locked. I expected it to creak as it opened, but it was silent. It took me a second to take in what I was looking at. And then my blood ran cold.

 _Holy fucking shit_.

An android was laid out on the floor, propped up against the toilet with its head leaning back, exposing a long stretch of dark skin spattered with bright blue. There was a broad, gaping hole in his chest where his Thirium pump should have been.

The toilet was overflowing, leaking abnormally blue water. A few smaller puddles of Thirium were slowly being washed into the bigger one by the stall’s door. It was still dripping from the android’s arms. Blue blood mixed with the water to create an eerie, glowing pool on the floor around his body.

I’d seen a thousand crime scenes in my years as a detective. Witnessed all manner of sick, twisted shit and horribly defiled bodies. But I’d never seen a person torn open like that.

It took everything in me not to scream.

***

**Mission** : Investigate the crime scene.

The drive into New Jericho was tense. I still hadn’t yet acclimated to my “successor’s” presence. Nines was… ~~intense~~ quiet. There was something about his eyes that made me uneasy.

“We’ve arrived.”

I turned to face him. I’d been caught up in my thoughts again. I tended to do that more often recently. Ever since ~~Detective Grace~~ ~~Ali~~ —

We made eye contact, but I didn’t say anything. His LED circled yellow for a moment before he turned and exited the vehicle. I followed suit.

The air was brisk. Not as cold as it had been as of late, but winter was obviously still in the city. The wind had died down and the sun warmed the air a touch. It was recommended to wear a jacket, however.

The building where the body had been found had a painted red door that stood out among the black wood trims. ‘BOOKS’ was written in large gold lettering above the door. The ‘K’ was crooked.

I scanned the area around the entrance as I walked around the car to join Nines on the sidewalk. There was nothing of particular interest outside. The building was somewhat disheveled. The black paint was chipping, the cobblestone was cracked in places, and there were stains (grease and dirt) on the step up to the front door. The books in the front window were all related to theories of consciousness in some way.

Caution tape surrounded the cordon in front of the shop. A woman stood talking to Officer Chris Miller just inside the store. She was black with braided hair and piercing hazel eyes.

PM700, LIVIA

Born: 05/03/2032 // Proprietor, Blue Blood Books

Criminal record: None

She was an android. Unsurprising, especially if she owned the book shop. Josh and Simon had worked closely with androids to start businesses in New Jericho.

Another young woman leaned against the wall by the edge of the cordon. She was talking to Officer Tina Chen, facing away from me. Curly dark brown hair fell over her shoulders. A black duffle coat hugged her frame. I knew there was a small tear in the left shoulder before I saw it. (What is she doing here?)

“I believe that is our witness.”

Nines’ voice made me tense. I turned to meet his eyes and immediately looked away. Back to her. Ali had found the body? What was she doing here?

**Mission** : Speak to ~~Detective~~ ~~Ali~~ the witness.

“I’ll speak with her. You can talk the shop owner.”

I saw Nines nod and walk away out of the corner of my eye. I was still watching her back. She was smoking, turning her head slightly towards me every time she exhaled.

_“Fun party trick.”_

The memory of her biting the inside of her lip as she looked up at me with wide, cloudy blue eyes popped into my interface.

_She scoffed and laughed and looked away. Cheeks reddening so slightly she probably didn't even notice. I wanted to run my hand over her skin and pull her towards me and—_

I felt the resistors in my face heat up as I dismissed the memory. Now was not the time to dwell on such things. I had a job to do.

I resisted the urge to call her ‘Detective.’ ~~Only barely~~. “Officer Chen.”

“Oh! Connor.” Officer Chen met my eye as I stopped just behind Ali. She was somewhat surprised to see me. “I suppose I should’ve expected you here.”

Ali’s shoulders tightened as I stepped up behind her. Not too close as to be in her personal space, but not too far as to be too distant. She didn’t turn to face me. She kept smoking. I would have thought her unbothered, but her heart rate was elevated and her blood vessels were dilating.

“Do you mind if I take—" ~~Detective Grace~~ ~~Alison~~ ~~Ali~~ "—Miss Grace away from you for a few minutes?”

Officer Chen nodded and waved her hand at Ali. “Of course! Don’t let me get in the way of your investigation, Detective.” She said my title with a joking tone. (It sounds better when Ali says it.)

“Was just finishing this anyway.” Ali turned her head as she spoke and blew a few smoke rings into the air. Her eyes flickered over to me for the briefest of moments before she turned to away again to put her cigarette out.

_A smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she spoke. "Most people think that's hot." She certainly was not wrong. I'd be inclined to agree with them._

_My hand was still on her arm. Holding her. Touching her. ~~I wanted more~~._

_"Humor is a fairly common and effective coping mechanism for dealing with trauma and vulnerability."_

_She snorted when she laughed and I almost short-circuited._

I clenched my jaw to keep the blush from creeping into my face. (How does she affect me like this?)

After a moment she turned and walked past me without making eye contact. She kept close to the wall and barely brushed against my arm as she passed me. Was that on purpose or simply a coincidence?

She was already standing in front of the shop when I turned to follow her, facing the street with her arms crossed over her chest. Her face was hard, mouth drawn in a tight line, brows pulled together in frustration or confusion. Based on her physiological state it was likely both.

"You found the android's body?" Should I try to be friendly with her? ~~Yes~~ ~~No~~ ~~Maybe~~ ~~I don't know~~

System Malfunction. Restarting processors.

"—in the bathroom."

I blinked to clear the error that had popped up in my interface. I would deal with those thoughts later.

"Uh, Connor? You okay?"

She was looking up at me, brows pulled down over her slightly widened eyes. (Is she concerned?) Her voice had been lower when she spoke that time. Concern was likely.

"Sorry, I was dealing with a system error." It wasn't technically a lie. I was vaguely aware of a car pulling up to the sidewalk behind me, but she spoke again and brought my attention back to her.

"Oh. You know if you want, I can—" She cut herself off and roughly pulled the skin of her cheek between her teeth. But it wasn’t like when she was embarrassed; that was endearing. This was stress. Like she'd been caught in a lie and was hoping I hadn't noticed. But she hadn't said anything. (Is she hiding something?)

Her eye suddenly wandered to something over my shoulder and her entire demeanor changed in the blink of an eye. I had heard the car door, of course, but hadn't thought to pay it any attention. I really, really should have.

Nines was stepping out of the shop as I turned to see what Ali was looking at. I considered the possibilities (an old friend? Another officer? Hank?) but it didn't register until I saw him.

A useless cigarette clasped between his teeth. Padded leather jacket left unzipped. Brown hair framing his face as it swayed gently in the breeze and eyes identical to mine roaming over the scene with a cocky look.

_I was proud. Proud of what Markus had accomplished. Somewhat proud of myself for the part I'd played in it, though still guilty._

_I hadn't expected the call. Hadn't expected it all to suddenly seem so meaningless._

_I'd been with Hank at Chicken Feed when it came in. A homicide. At **Ali’s**_ _apartment. She had promised— **I** had promised—that she'd see me again._

_I didn't think I could feel sick until that moment._

(This is not good.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand the spiralling begins :)


	6. Lost and It Kills Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re surprisingly strong for your size.”
> 
> I looked up at Nines. He stared down at me with an unreadable expression. He was much less… well, much less expressive than Connor. I don’t think I’d seen a genuine emotion pass over his face the entire time we’d been standing there. He asked about the android’s body after Connor and the other one had left and I calmed down. He’d just stared at me, face slack and stoic. It was either a really good mask or he was eerily blank. He almost reminded me of pre-deviancy androids.
> 
> “Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?”
> 
> He tilted his head to the side. Kind of like Connor did. It was the closest thing to a human reaction I’d seen in him. “Take it as you like. I was simply stating a fact.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Angstangstangstangst_
> 
> **Chapter Warnings** : Reference/implication of self-harm and relapse.

> **DATE**
> 
> Sunday January 30, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 10:47 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> New Jericho

I was right when I thought I saw an android that looked way too much like Connor to be a coincidence at the DPD. I was also starting to get annoyed at being touched by RK androids.

Nines, as Connor called him, was standing over me as I leaned against the wall outside the bookstore. Connor had gone off with the _other_ one to do… something. I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t care.

I was only a little bit embarrassed by my reaction to… him. I didn’t know what it was that had made me realize who it was when I saw him. He was the exact same model as Connor and he wasn’t wearing the CyberLife uniform either, so there weren’t any obvious signs. There was just something about him. His eyes, maybe. I’d known who he was the second I saw him.

My mind went blank. I barely remembered the yelling. I’d managed to get a few swings in before Nines had grabbed me. I’d fought his hold on me pretty hard.

My fists hurt and my arms were already starting to bruise. The synthetic skin had already healed over the scrape on Nines’ face, but I could see the slight line where the scar would be if he wasn’t an android. It took some time for synthetic skin to completely mend. It’d go away in a few hours.

I knew I was glowering, but I didn’t care. My jaw was tense as I ground my teeth together, hands shoved deep in my pockets.

“You’re surprisingly strong for your size.”

I looked up at Nines. He stared down at me with an unreadable expression. He was much less… well, much less expressive than Connor. I don’t think I’d seen a genuine emotion pass over his face the entire time we’d been standing there. He asked about the android’s body after Connor and the other one had left and I calmed down. He’d just stared at me, face slack and stoic. It was either a really good mask or he was eerily blank. He almost reminded me of pre-deviancy androids.

“Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?”

He tilted his head to the side. Kind of like Connor did. It was the closest thing to a human reaction I’d seen in him. “Take it as you like. I was simply stating a fact.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. He straightened his head and held my stare. Still no emotion in those daringly bright eyes. I sighed and shook my head.

“I’m gonna have some pretty wicked bruises in the morning.” I watched the people crowding on the other side of the street, clearly trying to watch the show without being obvious. They weren’t subtle. “You didn’t have to grab me so hard.”

“You were distressed. I held you as hard as I needed to in order to keep you from harming yourself or others.”

I couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at the corner of my mouth. Something about having been seen as a threat to three androids that were all much bigger than me really fed my ego. I knew I could hold my own against Connor and that other one. I’d done it before. Maybe I could take Nines, too?

And then I remembered my leg and my mood instantly soured. The smirk was replaced by a bitter sneer and I suddenly did not want to be there anymore. I’d answered Nines’ questions because he’d been at least cordial after he released his death grip on me, but I didn’t have to be here. I knew that.

Now thoughts of shattered glass tables and thundering footsteps echoing filled my mind. I couldn’t push them away. They just kept coming, growing louder and more clear the longer I tried to ignore them.

I pushed myself off the wall and grabbed my cane. “I’m leaving. Connor has my info if you need anything else from me.”

Nines didn’t say anything or try to stop me as I left. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me as I got into my car, eating up everything else until there was nothing left but red.

The drive to Traveller’s went by in a blur. My hands were aching by the time I turned the car off. Fingers clenched around the steering wheel like a vice. So tight my knuckles went white and feeling drained from them until they went numb.

I let out a long, hissing breath and closed my eyes. Ground my teeth together, fighting against the onslaught of screams and gunshots and footsteps that thundered in my mind. I heard the sound of water rushing past my ears and I shivered. Cold, dark nothingness closed in around me. Someone’s hand pulled me against them, hot breath whispering death against my temple.

My eyes snapped opened and I threw myself out of the car. My heart thudded against my chest. Panic and frustration seeped into my bones, setting dread deep in my gut.

Kida yapped happily at my heels as I flurried into the room. My hands trailed over the fluff on her head and grounded me. Only a bit, but then the sound of her barks made me think of Connor’s double and I saw red again.

The bed creaked under me. It was hard and yet somehow sagged in the worst places. It was less than uncomfortable. I didn’t sleep well, but it was better than screaming nightmares.

 _Fuck_.

This wasn't how this was supposed to go. How any of this was supposed to go.

_That fucking asshole **murdered** Vi, and he's just allowed to come back as a fucking detective? It's **bullshit**._

No, that wasn't fair. He was… following orders. Right? Doing what he was programmed to do. He hadn’t deviated, hadn’t really had a chance to—

 _Yeah that's right, Ali, just keep telling yourself that while that fucking **killer** is out there with her blood on his hands_—

NO!

I tried to calm my breathing. Ignored the blood rushing through my ears and my heartbeat pounding in my head.

_But it's not fucking **fair**._

One, two, three, in.

_That **thing** gets to live and she **doesn't**._

One, two, three, out.

Kida whined and nuzzled further into me, poking her wet nose into my neck. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, hand absentmindedly scratching her back. I ran my tongue over my teeth, pushing just hard enough to hurt but not enough to bleed.

My whole body was tense. Itching for something to do. Preferably someone to punch, too.

I tried to clear my head. Deep breath in—one, two, three—deep breath out. I stared at the ceiling hard enough to make out patterns in the tiles. At first it was just random shapes. A circle, an oval, a square, but then my mind created more complex images. An outline turned into a face, and then a body, and then a puddle and sharp smiles and tangles of wires and tubes and _fuck_ I couldn’t do this.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to dismiss the thoughts. But they swirled like stardust in space. Pinpricks of light and fire in a black expanse. Black holes sucking me in, refusing to let me go until all that was left was an empty, hollow husk. All light sucked out of me.

There was yelling, and gunshots, and the screams of the dying and the dead. Deep, bright blue that might once have been pretty stained my skin as it leaked onto me. Brilliant crimson mixed with it, spatters of violence and regret. And then purple strands splayed out over the colors. It covered my hands, my chest, my legs, my face, everything. Drowning me until there was nothing left but that.

I pushed myself up, letting my arms fall into my lap. Kida followed me, sitting close enough to breathe on my face. But I wasn't thinking about her.

My little orange bottle sat on the dresser across from the bed. I couldn't take my eyes off it. They made me feel better. Less pained. Less… tortured.

But they weren't enough. They only made me feel _less_. I wanted to feel _nothing_.

And I knew exactly who to call for that.

***

I hadn't heard from Ali all day. She'd said there was something she needed to do in the morning. I would've expected to have heard from her by now, though. It was almost half past four.

Part of me was worried about her. I'd known her a long time, but Violet had always been there. I didn't know the full story—neither of them had ever deigned to share it and I wasn't about to push—but I knew enough. Ali had a shitty past and Violet had been her rock.

And now she was gone.

The other part of me, though, had only ever known Ali to be a headstrong, stubborn asshole. In the nicest way. I couldn't have ever imagined her to break down the way she had the past few months. But she had, and I didn't know how to help her. I didn't know how to be Violet.

So I shouldn't have been too surprised when I got to the motel and saw the door wide open. I shouldn't have been.

But I was.

My first thought was a break in. It was a shitty motel in a shitty part of town, after all. But she didn't really have anything. And then I saw Kida just… sitting there, inside, by herself. And nothing was missing except Ali and her wallet. Her phone and tablet were on the table in the kitchenette. Clothes, her suitcase, the room's key card, even her fucking coat were all still there.

Kida followed me through the room, whining and nudging my hand every so often. Clearly worried. I gave her a comforting pat whenever she seemed to need it.

Why hadn't she followed Ali if she'd left?

And then I saw the little orange bottle on the dresser in the bedroom. Knocked over, pills spread out on the surface, some of them crushed and arranged into a line that had been half swept away. I didn't wanna think about the rest.

 _You've gotta be kidding me_.

I knew enough to know that this was not good. I'd been weary of the painkillers when she'd mentioned them. I should've listened to my gut. Should've said something.

I grabbed the key card and leashed Kida up as I called Hank. I didn't know what to do.

Maybe he would.


	7. Starting to Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone else grabbed my hand. I was spun around, surprisingly graceful, and pulled into someone’s lap. I looked up to sparkling green eyes and a dazzling smile. Shining blonde hair curled around a dark, angular face. I was dazed. Enthralled.
> 
> "Hey sweetheart. Wanna try something a little more intense?"
> 
> She blew smoke into my face. It smelled acrid and burnt. Like an old ashtray you forgot in the back of your car. I wrinkled my nose and tried not to breathe it in. Easier said than done. It burned my throat with even the tiniest inhale. My eyes watered and my head felt light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!!♥️♥️♥️
> 
> I was hoping to have a quick one-shot ready to post today but I haven't had a chance to sit down and write anything for a bit, so here's a new chapter of this instead! Enjoy~
> 
>  **Chapter Warnings** : Drug use/relapse.

> **DATE**
> 
> Monday January 31, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 1:08 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Downtown Detroit

I felt the music more than I heard it. Everything was spinning. Rainbows flashed and glittered in the air, pulsing and warping to the beat. I could feel my heart pounding in my temples.

_Babum. Babum. Babum._

Bodies thrashed around me. Uncoordinated. Clumsy. Drunk and high.

Someone had their arm around my waist, grinding into my hips like they knew me. They were a stranger, but the lights danced on their face and made them look like an angel. Their eyes were shining, flashing between colors like a rainbow. Purple, blue, pink, yellow. The blue was the most true, the most lively.

Her hair fell over her shoulders in long, soft waves. It was black but, just like her eyes, the lights danced over it and it shone with every color imaginable. She had dark lipstick and glittering eyeshadow that ended in a faded wing. The dark lace top she wore was similar to mine, but it fell off her shoulders and tied in the front instead of the back. She had a sternum tattoo of medusa.

A giggle bubbled up in my throat but it caught and turned into a hiccup. I choked and tried to play it off. Was anyone looking at me? Fuck, they all knew I shouldn't be here. I didn't belong anymore.

 _Damnit_.

I pushed my way through the crowd, away from her. Tried to. Her arms snaked around my hips and held me against her chest. Trying to trap me, keep me there. She knew I didn't belong anywhere else, either. She wasn’t much taller than me, even in the heels. Her nose brushed against mine, breath hot on my face.

Part of me wanted to stay, to touch her, kiss her. She was pretty and soft and smelled like flowers and honey. But this was wrong. I didn’t know why, just that it was. Something was out of place.

I pulled away from her, avoiding her eyes as I stepped out of her embrace. Her hand trailed down my arm, fingers brushing against my skin, before her touch fell away. I met her eyes before I disappeared into the crowd. She smiled, eyes shining with a teasing light.

And then she was gone and I was lost in a throng of bodies. Hands grabbed at me, pulling me every which way. My chest started to heave as I tried in vain to get out. Get away. Too many people. Too much. Too loud too bright too flashy too—

I stumbled as I broke out of the crowd on the dance floor. Stunned for a moment. I looked around.

Something dug into my temple. I flinched at the sharp pain and raised my hand to push whatever it was away. But there was nothing. What?

 _A headache_.

Oh. Right. Fuck, I needed another drink.

Wasn't I waiting on something? Had someone already bought me a drink? Where had I put it…

There were less people at the tables near the bar. Still enough that I had to weave through the crowd. Slowly. Carefully. My thigh was killing me. Why did it hurt so much?

The dark purple lights at the bar drew me in. I sat on one of the empty stools. Didn't flag down the bartender though. I had a drink to find. Didn't I?

"Ali, darling, there you are!"

Someone slid onto the stool next to me and it took me a moment to realize they were talking to me.

 ** _I'm_** _Ali. Right_.

His piercing eyes stared at me with an intensity that few could match. Dark skin shone with purple from the bar and rainbow from the lights on the dance floor. His braided hair framed his face like the perfect picture.

"André." I said his name out loud, mostly to myself.

_Right, I was waiting for him. I called him. Asked for a hookup just like the old days._

"You look like you're already on something pretty wicked." His voice was smooth. Soothing. Melodic. Like wind chimes on a cool summer's day.

I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. It still kinda burned.

The next few minutes passed in a blur. I barely remembered what I said even as it came out of my mouth. André’s words danced through my mind, meaning completely lost to the song they spun.

And then I was following him to the back rooms. It had been a long time since I'd done that. Maybe too long. Maybe not long enough.

Who could say?

His hand was warm on mine. Big, too. Most people's hands were bigger than mine. Not a difficult thing to accomplish. His skin was rough, calloused. I didn’t know what André did for a living, but it was probably something that involved manual labor. He definitely had the build for it.

The back rooms were dark. Deep red and purple lights hung from wires on the ceiling. Carpets covered the tiled floors, dark colors piled over each other in a sea of plush. A circular lounge chair sat in the middle of the room. There was a bar in one corner of the room with purple strip lights. Couches sat against either wall, covered in fancy blankets and pillows. Drug paraphernalia was strewn about every free surface.

It looked like exactly what it was: a drug den.

I didn’t recognize anyone else in the room. They were all newcomers, probably. People tended to come and go in those circles.

 _Ironic_.

André led me to a free spot on one of the couches. My hand on his arm, like a true gentleman. He sat next to me, one leg resting on the other while his arm cradled my shoulders. He gave me a little bag and let me open it. A little pill with a tiny ‘E’ etched into it fell into my palm. I swallowed it with no water. I was used to it. Or I had been in the past. Still was?

Everything pulsed. The air. The music. My heart. My lungs. My mind.

Ripples of thoughts and emotions echoed around me. Someone was angry. Another was scared. The last was…

 _Breaking_.

Someone held their hand out to me and I let them stand me up. The music in the back rooms was different, more melodic. Easier to dance to. At least, a more intimate kind of dance.

Someone else grabbed my hand. I was spun around, surprisingly graceful, and pulled into someone’s lap. I looked up to sparkling green eyes and a dazzling smile. Shining blonde hair curled around a dark, angular face. I was dazed. Enthralled.

"Hey sweetheart. Wanna try something a little more intense?"

She blew smoke into my face. It smelled acrid and burnt. Like an old ashtray you forgot in the back of your car. I wrinkled my nose and tried not to breathe it in. Easier said than done. It burned my throat with even the tiniest inhale. My eyes watered and my head felt light.

"What is it?" The second I asked, I suddenly knew the answer. I’d never touched the stuff, but I’d smelled the smoke before. Red Ice. It was bitter as hell. The kind of smell you’d never forget.

The woman smiled and her teeth were sharp like fangs. Her brilliant eyes narrowed into slits and the corners of her mouth seemed to stretch all the way to her ears. I shivered.

"Give it a try and see, baby."

I hesitated. Could still taste the acid on my tongue. I didn't want to breathe that in.

_Did I?_

And then suddenly I was blinded and there was yelling and I was being pulled into a hallway. I coughed, trying to expel the sour taste in my mouth.

André was pulling me. I saw his hand on my wrist and his light brown eyes staring into my soul. His hands were on my shoulders and he was shaking me. And yelling. What?

 _Oh_.

"Ali. Can you run?"

The fog started to lift. I blinked. The lights were on. There was yelling… oh. Oh. Fuck.

Cops. It was a bust.

 _Shitshitshitshit_.

Oh god. I couldn't be here. Oh no.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

"I can't be here. I can't—I need to—I can't be—"

André shook his head and interrupted me. "Babe. Can you run?"

I took a breath. Fresh air. Nothing burnt or sour or toxic. I nodded.

He turned and I followed. My leg hurt. I stumbled. My heart pounded in my chest. Drowning out everything else. Tunnel vision focused on André in front of me.

_Keep up with him. One foot in front of the—huh. Other._

I would've laughed if I wasn't already out of breath. But then we were outside, barreling through a side alley, and I heard someone yell behind me.

 _Fuckfuck_.

The alley was dark and smelled like copper and rotting garbage. I held my breath as best I could without passing out. My chest felt like it was on fire.

I blinked and then André was gone and I didn't know what to do. Just kept running. Footsteps echoed in the night. My thigh hurt. It burned and chaffed and throbbed and _fuck_ I didn't wanna do this anymore.

But then there was a gate in a fence that stretched up way too high to climb.

 _Please be open, please be open pleasebeopen_ … I repeated it in my head like a mantra.

I barrelled into the chain with my shoulder and almost fell on my ass when the gate flew open, spilling me into the opening of the alley. I whirled around and crashed into the metal frame of the gate. Shockwaves rippled through my bones and shook my shoulders as the gate crashed into its spot in the fence.

_Babum._

Was there a lock?

_Babum._

I looked around. Desperate. I needed something to block it.

_Babum._

And then I saw it, a few feet away: the lock for the gate. A big metal padlock lay on the ground by the fence. I dove for it, ignoring the wobble in my knee. I scrambled back to my feet with the cold metal clutched in my hand. It clicked closed around the gate and fence where they joined.

My hands shook. My breath was quick and shallow. Blood pumped through my veins, chasing adrenaline like a rollercoaster.

I looked up and my blood turned to ice. Gavin stood on the other side of the gate, one hand gripping the loops of the fence, the other hung loosely at his side, gun in hand.

_I am so fucked._

We made eye contact. But I couldn't fucking do this.

I turned, and I ran.


	8. I Would've Died For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I ran my hand over the railing, pushing the snow off into the abyss on the other side. I could hear the faint sound of water rushing somewhere under my feet. The cold seeped into my skin, into my bones, and I let it. My thigh still hurt and I was still limping, but it seemed so far away all of a sudden.
> 
> I stopped when I got to the middle of the bridge. My hands gripped the railing over the snow, and I stared into the black river below. It looked so peaceful from up here. So pretty. I could hear my heart in my temples, feel it beating against my chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes as I let it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hurt myself writing this.
> 
> **Chapter Warnings** : Suicidal thoughts/self harm, mental breakdown.

> **DATE**
> 
> Monday January 31, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 2:25 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Downtown Detroit

I almost ran into someone when I got back to the main street. They told me to piss off and watch where I was going. I barely stopped to apologize. My heartbeat hammered in my ear, drowning out everything else.

The adrenaline and the cold chased off most of my high. I was left shivering, huddled in on myself, wandering around the busy downtown crowd. I was surprised at how many people were out and about on a Sunday (Monday?) night.

I didn’t know where I was going. I’d been downtown before, of course, but I didn’t know the area that well. I was left wandering around, hoping to run into something more familiar. Without my phone or wallet, though, my options were limited.

Eventually the aching in my thigh pulled me back to myself entirely. Adrenaline and fear were wonderful things. I’d managed to actually run without thinking about my leg. Now that they had faded, though, I was left limping and wincing with every step. Tears started to blur my vision as I walked.

Biting wind stung deep into my bones. I didn’t have a coat or a sweater. I’d been smart enough to slip on jeans and boots instead of what I usually would’ve worn to go out like this, but the lace top that tied over my back left my arms and stomach completely bare. My fingers felt like ice and I had no idea what to do.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._ What the fuck had I been thinking? I’d been clean for years. I hadn’t touched anything since university, since Violet—

My breath caught in my throat and I stopped walking. My chest felt tight. Pained. I squeezed my eyes shut. I was already crying, though. Thinking about her made me feel like even more of an idiot than I already had. What was wrong with me?

Violet had given everything to keep me safe. She’d pulled me out of the gutter and made something out of me. And here I was, throwing it all away. For what? Some stupid pill that made me feel nothing but daydreams and fantasies.

This wasn’t fair. Violet should still be here. She was the strong one, the smart one, the kind one. She’d always been there for me, for everyone. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved everything, or at least a hell of a lot more than she got.

I couldn’t fucking _do this_ without her. I’d just end up back there, at that stupid club with those people and those pills and that smoke. I knew myself. I’d give in, eventually, if she wasn’t there to stop me.

And she never would be. Not anymore. What was the point of even trying? I’d never be anything without her to push me out of this bullshit.

I looked up and I was alone. The quiet night fell around me like a veil. There was a strange calm in me. An acceptance. Maybe it wouldn’t be fine, but I could make it stop. I could see Maisie again. And Violet, and her dad. Either that or there would be nothing. That would be okay, too.

I ran my hand over the railing, pushing the snow off into the abyss on the other side. I could hear the faint sound of water rushing somewhere under my feet. The cold seeped into my skin, into my bones, and I let it. My thigh still hurt and I was still limping, but it seemed so far away all of a sudden.

I stopped when I got to the middle of the bridge. My hands gripped the railing over the snow, and I stared into the black river below. It looked so peaceful from up here. So pretty. I could hear my heart in my temples, feel it beating against my chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes as I let it out.

The tears had dried on my cheeks. I could feel them, cold trails down my face as the wind brushed against my skin. I couldn’t tell if I was shivering because I was scared or because I was cold. Both feelings seemed so very far away now.

Bitterness started to creep into my chest, up my throat, into my head. None of this was fair. It wasn’t right. Why the fuck wasn’t Violet still here? She deserved to be. I didn’t. It was simple, and yet she was gone and I wasn’t.

Everything was fuzzy. The world spun around me like I was on a tilt-a-wheel. I fucking hated those things. Always made me sick.

Fuck, I just wanted this to stop. I didn't wanna feel like this anymore.

Empty.

Alone.

**Worthless**.

_You're a failure. You couldn't save her. She's dead because of you._

I squeezed my eyes closed and clasped my hands over my ears, shaking my head. Snow fell onto my shoulders and my palms were wet against my hair. I willed the voices to stop. What was the point of even trying anymore? If I couldn't save the person who was the whole reason I was even alive, what good could I possibly do? I was a failure. A disappointment. A let-down.

Something squeezed my heart, constricting it in my chest like a vice. It was pressure and pain and despair all in one. The agony of loss.

_Fuck, what am I doing?_

I stumbled back from the ledge. My shoulders started to shake and it got hard to breathe. My nose burned as my eyes watered. This wasn't what I wanted. None of it was.

_It should have been **me**._

Something broke inside of me. It felt like there was a lump in my throat. Like I couldn't make any noise or I'd completely fall apart. But then the first sob slipped past my lips and it was like a sudden rainstorm. Intense, heavy, all at once.

Everything hurt. My chest, my throat, my head, my shoulders, my face. I clawed at my skull, digging my nails into hair and skin and bone.

The words came out like a waterfall, fast and deafening and all at once: " _It should have been me._ "

I didn't think I could scream like that. A screech, loud but strangled. Breaking as soon as it reached its peak.

My knees buckled and I fell. I barely caught myself with the palms of my hands. They scraped against the gravel, sharp pinpricks stabbing my hands. Tears streamed down my face freely now. Hiccups and broken sobs were the only sounds I could make.

I was angry. Why did it have to be like this?

Frustration bubbled up in my chest. My right hand curled into a fist against the ground. I ground my teeth together, jaw clenched. I ignored the pain that shot up my arm as I brought my fist back and then slammed it into the ground.

_God_.

And then again.

_Fucking_.

A third time.

_DAMNIT_.

I crumpled forward, my fist scrapping sideways against the pavement as I fell in on myself. Everything was agony and red and black and misery. Nothing made sense. The ground rippled and the sky was blank. All I knew for sure was the sharpness in my chest. Like a knife that had been there my whole life was suddenly and violently ripped out with no warning. It left me with a bleeding mess and a hole to fill.

Frozen shards slipped into me. My bones shivered. I felt like I was made of ice. My tears cooled and froze on my cheeks as I cried.

And then arms suddenly circled me and pulled me up. Hugging me. Pulling me close. I nuzzled into their shoulder and let them hold me. They smelled like sandalwood and pine, like a forest in the middle of spring. Clear and fresh and full of life.

I clung to them and their warmth. They felt like fire. Or maybe I was just freezing. My fingers were numb. I heard them gasp when I slipped them under the collar and against their skin. But they didn’t pull away. Instead they held me tighter and covered me with something soft and warm.

I was vaguely aware of voices talking to each other. Another, softer voice whispered in my ear. I only made out fragments, words like ‘okay’ and ‘here.’ Eventually the sobs faded into hiccups and sharp breaths but I didn’t move. My throat hurt from all the screaming. I just wanted it to stop.

Why the fuck wouldn't it all just stop?


	9. Running Out of Matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”
> 
> Even puzzling over the words for a minute, I didn’t know what he was talking about. The budding headache wasn’t helping, and neither was the suddenly persistent ache in my thigh. Nobody had taken the DTL off the night before, so that was fun.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> He finally looked at me then and I kind of wished he hadn’t. His usually open, welcoming brown eyes were dark and serious. They made me feel like I was under a spotlight in an interrogation. _It must be scary as hell to sit on the opposite side of the interrogation table from those eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for things to wind down, finally! At least for now. There's still more to come after this haha

> **DATE**
> 
> Monday January 31, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 10:54 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Hank's place

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was how much my head hurt. A pounding, splitting headache that made my brain feel like putty. Light shined into my still-closed eyes like a burning laser.

I groaned and tried to bury my face in my pillow. That was when I realized that, not only was I not in my bed, but someone was sleeping behind me with their body cradling mine, one arm thrown over my waist.

_What the fuck happened last night?_

Abstract memories burned in my mind. Lights and loud music and yelling, but also the cold bite of wind and absolute silence.

The arm around me tightened and whoever it was nuzzled into the back of my neck. A bit of panic settled into my gut— _who the fuck am I in bed with?_ —and I tensed my shoulders.

"How're you feelin', gorgeous?"

The words made my panic intensify for a second before my brain caught up and recognized the voice. It was Chase _._

 _Thank **fuck**_.

We used to spoon like this way back in college after multiple-day study sessions. They were always really warm, like a space heater, while I ran cold. The perfect cuddling match.

And then I could smell them, like a walk through the woods on a peaceful spring afternoon. I remembered them holding me as I cried and shook from the cold. Melting snow dripping from my hands and face as I stepped away from the edge. They soothed me, hugged me until they could coax me into standing. We got into a car, and then I think I fell asleep because I didn’t remember anything more other than black.

Fuck, my throat was dry. "Head hurts." It was painful to speak and my voice came out all scratchy.

 _Where am I, then? The motel? Our_ — _no, not ours anymore_ — ** _their_** _place?_

"Shit, you two awake already?"

Was that—? No, it couldn’t be…

_Hank?_

I tried to open my eyes, even just one to peak, but it was so bright and my eyes were tired. I squeezed them shut to try and recover from the blinding light. Sparks dotted the black and red behind my eyelids.

"Only barely." Chase shifted onto their back, pulling me along with them. Which, unfortunately, meant my face was no longer half buried in scratchy pillows.

Were we on Hank's couch?

I tried to squeeze my eyes shut tighter. All it accomplished was sharp white stars behind my eyes. Draping my arm across my face helped, but only a bit. I groaned and moved to bury my face again, but Chase’s arm held me tight to them.

“Le’me go, Chase.”

“Not gonna happen. You’re stuck with me.”

I humph-ed in protest but didn’t move. Eventually Chase managed to get me so sit up, albeit still heavily leaning against them. Sunlight filtered in through half-closed blinds and the lights from the kitchen stung my eyes. Kida was on the floor next to the couch and she bounded into my lap when I was somewhat upright. I suddenly remembered leaving the motel and felt a pang of guilt. Had I closed the door before I left? I honestly couldn’t remember.

Hank and Connor were in the kitchen, doing who knew what. They were probably cooking. I smelled toast and burnt eggs and bacon. It didn’t sound like it was going too well. They were arguing about how long to leave the pan on the stove from the sounds of it.

I couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at the corner of my mouth. Something about watching them made me feel… something. Warm. Comfort, maybe. It definitely wasn’t familiar. The closest I’d ever seen to Hank in the kitchen was when he threw a couple pieces of cold pizza on a plate and handed it to me. But seeing him and Connor there, actually cooking, felt familiar. Or maybe I just wanted it to be.

Chase handed me a glass of water that was gone before I even registered that I was drinking it. They let me lounge over them, legs still splayed out on the couch. Their arms wrapped around my shoulders and they cuddled me into their chest. I was somehow still cold, like the winter air from the night before had seeped so deep into me that the last of it was still clinging to my bones.

I didn’t miss the constant glances from Hank and Connor as they very purposefully didn’t stray out of the kitchen. I did my best to ignore them, not think about it. I didn’t know what exactly had happened, what they knew, but even the most watered-down version of the truth was a hell of a story to swallow. _What they must think of me_ …

The fact that I’d woken up with Chase on Hank’s couch with the three of them doting over me, even if it was only slightly, wasn’t lost on me. Even in my tired, cranky, hungover state. I was a bit out of it, but I wasn’t stupid.

And then Connor looked over again, but he wasn’t looking at me that time. Close, but I could always tell where’s someone’s eyes were focused. He made eye contact with Chase and there was something in his face. They were communicating, some look of understanding between them.

Chase shifted behind me, easing me forward off of them. “I’ll be right back.”

I wanted to protest, but they’d already moved me into leaning on the back of the couch and I was too tired to fight them anyway. I let them push me and then shifted into the corner of the couch when they got up.

Hank said something to Connor that I couldn’t make out. Too quiet. It looked like they were done whatever cooking disaster they’d started. Connor was holding a plate. Hank spared me a glance and a half-smile before he made his way down the hallway behind Chase. He went to his bedroom while Chase went to the bathroom.

_Oh boy._

And then there was just Connor. He surprised me by handing me the plate with no words or smile, just an overly serious, somewhat somber look on his face. It made me nervous. He usually always had a comforting smile that made me feel warm, like everything would be okay. Like whatever he did or said, he just wanted to make you happy. Like a puppy. Here to please.

This face did not make me think of any of that. There was a weight behind his eyes as he sat on the couch next to me. I stared at him but his eyes were fixed on the fireplace, pointedly avoiding meeting my stare. After a minute I gave up and just ate. I was so hungry I wolfed the food down without tasting much of anything.

Kida nuzzled into my lap again when I put the plate down. She’d tried to get some attention from Connor, but he was so wrapped up in whatever melancholy was going through his head that he’d barely given her a pat on the head. Dejected, she’d retreated back to me with a whine. I’d never felt more uncomfortable to have her cuddle into me.

I was about to say something when Connor finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

Even puzzling over the words for a minute, I didn’t know what he was talking about. The budding headache wasn’t helping, and neither was the suddenly persistent ache in my thigh. Nobody had taken the DTL off the night before, so that was fun.

“What?”

He finally looked at me then and I kind of wished he hadn’t. His usually open, welcoming brown eyes were dark and serious. They made me feel like I was under a spotlight in an interrogation. _It must be scary as hell to sit on the opposite side of the interrogation table from those eyes_.

“Nate—er, the other RK800 model, the one who hurt you and…” His stare fell back into his lap then and his voice got really quiet. “And Violet.”

My chest ached at the sound of her name, but that wasn’t new. His name was Nate, huh? I suppose it made sense that he didn’t just also go by ‘Connor.’ Had he picked his own name?

“He wasn’t supposed to be there. I wanted to tell you what happened to him that night, and then after. I thought I would get a chance when you returned to the precinct, but then you left and I didn’t expect you to be there, and—”

“Connor.”

He looked up, a bit startled. He’d been rambling. It would’ve been kind of cute if it wasn’t for the subject and the still-serious look in his eyes. He met my stare for a second, eyes wide, and then looked down. I followed his gaze to my hand on his arm. His skin was warm, radiating heat. I knew androids expelled most of their heat from their mouths, hence the artificial breathing, but they also just kind of exuded heat in general.

I pulled my hand back into my lap and let it rest on Kida’s head. She huffed and buried her nose against my stomach.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know.”

Silence stretched between us for a minute. He sighed and turned to me, jaw tight and controlled. There was something else in his eyes, now. A softness. Vulnerability, maybe.

“I shouldn’t have left you with Nines. I should have made sure you were okay. When Chase called Hank last night, and then when we found you, I…" He paused, hesitating. He took a breath and blinked. Searching for the right words, I thought. “I care about what happens to you, Ali.”

If it hadn’t been for the haze falling over me from the hangover and the headache, I might have recognized the words. They still made my breath catch in my throat for a second, though.

“We all do.”

Maybe some people would have thought that addition cheapened the meaning of the first words. But it made me chest tighten and my nose burn and tears blurred my vision. I looked down at Kida in my lap. Thought about Chase, and Bea, and Hendy and Caprice. Connor, Hank. My friends. Basically family.

And I’d almost made them bury me. The tears spilled onto my cheeks slowly. Not like the sobbing tears from the night before. They were sad, but only a bit. Shame and guilt ran down my face and I felt like an idiot.

“Ali? What’s wrong?” His words were quiet but insistent. He was concerned, worried. He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and it took everything in me not to pull his face to mine.

Instead, I settled for the next best thing. I reached over and draped my arms around his neck, buried my face in his shoulder. It was an awkward angle with Kida’s head still in my lap, but Connor was warm and he wrapped his arms around me and it made me feel better.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The words finally coming from my mouth brought another wave of shame over me, and I had to bite back more insistent tears this time.

I saw his LED circle yellow, yellow, but he didn’t say anything. He just held me until I pulled away. I wanted to thank him but I couldn’t find the words. For a million different reasons. The vulnerability made me uncomfortable, I felt like shit, I legitimately didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t. There’d be time to do it later.

Well, maybe. Hopefully.

I curled back in on myself after that. Enough vulnerability for one day. Connor let me close myself off. He gave me a warm smile that reached his eyes before he got up. I turned my attention to Kida, leaned over on the couch to bury my face in her soft fur. She happily accepted the attention, cuddling into me as much as she could.

Chase and Hank made their back into the room at some point. Chase sat next to me, let me wallow in silence. Hank tried to joke with me a few times. All he got in response was a half-hearted giggle or a nod in his direction, though. Connor was keeping an eye on me. He was trying to be subtle about it, glancing over out of the corner of his eye, but his LED circled yellow every time he did it like a beacon signaling his attention. It was kind of cute.

The headache and pains in my body were enough to distract me even when I _wanted_ to chime in. Every time I tried to actually participate in the conversation my chest ached or I choked on air.

Chase sat next to me on the couch, always touching me in some way. A hand on my thigh, leaning their head on my shoulder, draping their arm around me.

Eventually I couldn’t take the lights anymore, migraine throbbing in my head, and I dropped my face into my hands. I muttered a quiet ‘am okay’ when everyone jumped to ask what was wrong. And then the sound of someone banging on the door paired with Hank's awful buzz of a doorbell made my head pulse. It was not a good feeling.

Hank let out a few choice words as he got up to go get it. My head was still in my hands when Connor nudged me, holding a damp cloth out. I took it with a quiet 'thanks' and pressed it against my brows and eyes.

_I'm so over this._

I felt him sit on the couch next to me. He rubbed soothing circles on my back, steady and warm, and—

 _Fuck, I think I'm gonna be sick_.

I grabbed for the bucket at my feet and hunched over. The cloth fell to the side, no longer important. My throat burned and I choked on my own breath. I barely registered Connor holding my hair out of my face as I heaved over the pale I’d been given to spare Hank’s living room from whatever shit my body wanted to purge itself of from the night before.

I fucking hated hangovers.

It didn’t take long for me to be coughing up nothing but air and regrets. My stomach finally seemed to settle and I leaned my forehead against the edge of the bucket, chest and shoulders sore and tense. Chase was on my other side, one hand on my shoulder and the other helping me hold the bucket.

“You should drink this. It’ll help with the nausea.”

I took a shaky breath before lifting my head to Connor. He was holding out a glass of water, stupid brown eyes trailing on me like **I** was the puppy.

 _Kill me now_.

Chase grabbed the bucket as I took the glass from Connor. I didn’t bother trying to thank him, not trusting what would come out if I did. I just took the water and gulped it down and took a deep breath when I was done.

I heard Hank open the door as Connor took the glass back from me. His fingers brushed against mine as he did. I didn’t look up.

“Christ, Reed, what the fuck are you doin’ here?”

 _Oh, shit_.

Flashes of running, darkness flooded by lights, metal diamonds framing a frantic detective’s face as my heart raced and I ran. I was in so much trouble.

“Relax, Hank, I’m not here for you.” There was a pause, and then, “I’ve got something for Grace.”

My jaw clenched and I flexed my hands into fists. Nervous energy curled in my gut, my palms sweating. Adrenaline was trying to fuel a fight or flight response.

Hank’s words were quiet, said in a hushed tone, but the doorway was right behind the couch so I could still hear him. “She’s not really doin’ so great right now, Reed. If you just wanna drop it off I can—”

“It’s all right, Hank.” My voice was still kinda scratchy. It almost caught in my throat, but I needed to handle this. I couldn’t put Hank in the middle of my shit. He was already doing a lot on my behalf. “I got it.” I took a deep breath before pushing myself to my feet.

As soon as I stood a burst of sharp pain shot up my thigh. My leg buckled and I almost fell flat on my face. Connor was holding me up before I even realized what had happened. One arm wrapped around my waist, the other hand was gripping my arm like a vice. I grabbed his jacket, took a deep breath, and shook my head. Tried to ignore the fluttering in the pit of my stomach.

I winced as I leaned my weight back on my DTL. My thigh pinched and the muscle tightened. A deep breath in and I flexed it, like Mollie had shown me. It worked. The spasm passed and the pain went with it.

Connor still had his arm around my waist. I didn’t meet his eye as I stepped away from him and around the couch. Didn’t take Chase’s hand when they tried to help me.

The world spun and my head throbbed as I made my way to the door. Too focused on one step at a time without my cane to pay much attention to Hank’s stare. I gave him a quick nod as I stepped up to the door. I met Gavin’s stare. It was… unreadable. He had his arms crossed, dark circles around his eyes like always. I swear I don’t think the guy ever slept. He looked worse than I did most days.

“I got it, Hank. Thanks.”

He hesitated but sighed after a moment and shook his head. “Whatever, kid, just don’t pass out on my porch.”

I gave him a genuine smile before I grabbed my jacket and closed the door behind me. It was cold out. My arms were sore and it hurt to stretch into my coat. My fingers twitched. _Goddamnit, should’a grabbed a cigarette_.

“Look, Gavin, I—”

He held up a hand and the words died on my lips. “For once, Grace, just shut up and listen. Think you can do that?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. Mostly ‘cause I was cold. That’s what I told myself, at least. I nodded. “Yeah. Sure. I can… yeah.”

Gavin sighed and unfolded his arms. He pulled a box of cigs out of his pocket and popped one into his mouth. Offered me the pack and I took one without hesitation. He lit them both, looked out over Hank’s front yard and then back to me.

“Think you can go for a quick walk?” He glanced down at my leg as he spoke.

I shrugged. Flicked some ash onto the ground and suppressed a shiver. “Maybe just around the block.”

He nodded and then stepped onto the front walkway. I glanced back at Hank’s door. Gave a quick nod just in case anyone was watching before following Gavin to the sidewalk.

We walked in silence for a couple minutes. Slowly. He kept pace with me. Half of my focus went to my leg—making sure the foot landed straight, the knee locked, I didn’t step too long or too short—while the other half went to my smoke. The cold was a nagging thought in the back of my head.

I was starting to shiver when Gavin finally said something.

“Are you on it?”

“Am I on… what?”

“Red Ice.”

“Oh. Fuck, no.” I shook my head. Blew smoke into the wind. “Not… no.”

“Painkillers, then?”

“You’re phishing for what I’ve been taking.”

Gavin smirked. Took a few drags from his cig before answering. “I’ll take the dodge as a yes.” I didn’t answer. Just watched him out of the corner of my eye. “You’ve been through hell, Grace. I get it. More than you know.” The way he said that last part, slow and quiet, sounded like he hadn’t quite meant to say it out loud.

He paused again. I tried to ignore the chill in my fingers and nose. We were coming back up on Hank’s place. I couldn’t do another circle around the block. My leg was mostly fine, but it was fucking cold out.

Gavin stopped when we got back to Hank’s walkway. He turned to me as he finished the last of his smoke. Hands shoved in his pockets, eyes trailed on the sky over the houses. “You’re smart. Smarter than most assholes that find their way to the DPD. Too smart to have come this far out of whatever hole you had to drag yourself from to fall back into it.” He met my eye as he pulled something out of his pocket. “Don’t get dragged back into your old shit. You’re better than that.”

I looked down at what he was holding out to me and froze. My wallet. The wallet that I’d left in the club the night before. The wallet that would’ve been part of a crime scene, that would’ve placed my in the middle of a Red Ice den and opened up a can of fucking worms that probably would’ve ended with at least a few very not minor charges.

_What the fuck._

“You… stole from a crime scene?” I looked up. Met his eyes. Didn’t move to grab my wallet.

“Just take your fucking wallet, Grace.”

I couldn’t help but just… stare at him. Gavin was a lot of things. Some good, some bad. In the ‘good’ category we had one hell of a detective and someone who always kept his word. I wasn’t even gonna get into the ‘bad’ category. Reed’s ambition, while admirable, meant he was a sour son of a bitch to anyone who was even half as good as he was. Anyone he saw as a threat. Made him kind of a fucking nightmare to work with.

And yet here he was, risking his entire career for my sake. He wasn’t even my partner anymore.

“Thanks.” I wasn’t sure what else to say as I took my wallet. Just kind of looked at it for a second before meeting Gavin’s stare again.

“You should get back before Hank shoots me for keepin’ you out here.”

I nodded. Still couldn’t think of anything to say. Gavin paused for a second before shoving his hands back in his pocket and turning away. I watched him for a moment before I took a step.

“Hey, Reed.” He paused and shot me a look over his shoulder. “Try not to eat your new partner alive.” He smirked and rolled his eyes as he walked away. Gave me the middle finger over his shoulder.

I hobbled back to the house and let Hank and Chase and Connor coddle me for a few hours. Trying to ease the headaches that pounded against the inside of my skull.

And then I wanted to leave but I got an earful instead. Chase was a teddy bear. I’d only ever seen them really angry a handful of times. It was scary. But the way they chastised me, voice low and even, was even more terrifying.

Hank had hidden all the painkillers in the house, so my head was killing me. I’d downed more glasses of water than I could count but I was still thirsty. I sat on the couch with my legs hugged close to my chest, my chin propped on my knees.

“If you think I’m gonna let you out of my sight while you’re going through withdrawal you really have lost it.”

“Chase is right, kid. It’s gonna be a hell of a time and you shouldn’t be alone.”

So I stayed at Hank’s place. He tried to give me his bed but I told him he’d have to drag me from the couch kicking and screaming. Besides, I couldn’t sleep anyway. Not really.

The next few days passed in a daze. Some part of my body was always sore but sitting still made me feel like I was going to shut down. I couldn’t stop yawning and I probably looked like I had the worst cold ever. And then there was the sweating. No matter how many fans I had Hank get for me, it wouldn’t stop. I was always hot.

The nausea that hit me after the first night was the worst. Paired with the constant cravings for sour food it was hard to keep anything down. Trying to eat anything mild made me sick, but I’d never liked anything bitter. I snapped at everyone more than once. Over nothing, really.

I told Chase to fuck off when they tried to help me stand and walk to the kitchen. I almost kicked Connor when he offered me another blanket halfway through the second day. Hank got an earful followed by a quiet apology early one morning when he grabbed an empty glass that I thought still had water in it.

When I did manage to sleep, I was plagued by half-forgotten memories that twisted into nightmares. Demons laughing at me, death following me like a shadow, vibrant colors mixing into dark and dull shades. I heard an android’s screams echoing in the dark, his last moments seared into my brain like a brand. Black swat helmets accused me of murder, blood and flesh spattered on the inside of their face masks.

Three days passed like that. Until I finally managed to fall asleep and woke up with no memory of any nightmares. The worst of it seemed to fade over that day. I knew it would get worse again, but for at least a few hours, I felt better.


	10. Make Him Bad, Make Him Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he just kept staring at me. It made my cheeks heat up and my thoughts fall into the gutter.
> 
> “Um. Connor?”
> 
> He blinked at me, LED circling yellow for a second, before he seemed to refocus. “I’m sorry, I just realized we’d never actually worked together before. I didn’t realize that you were– or that you had—”
> 
> “What, that I was a good detective?”
> 
> I’d never seen Connor stutter to answer a question like he did in that moment. It didn’t take him long to steady himself, though. It never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um, this chapter.  
> I originally wasn't gonna write any smut for this story, but then my friends asked for it and I wrote it and here it is. It doesn't really make up for all the angst, but it's a start haha
> 
> This chapter is basically porn with (some) plot lol

> **DATE**
> 
> Friday February 4, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 4:57 AM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> Hank's place

I’d woken up around 4 am, restless and unable to go back to sleep. I just sat up on the couch, blanket pulled around me like a cape, and tried to keep myself busy.

Hank and Connor had left their case files on the android murders they’d been investigating open on the kitchen table. Just… sitting there. Waiting to be read. I tried to keep my nose out of places it realistically didn’t belong. That didn’t last long.

I brought the case files to the couch and started reading through them after maybe 30 minutes of stalling. I called it curiosity and did my best not to think about it too much. Hank wouldn’t mind. Probably.

There were a few brief moments when Connor’s—or, I guess, Nate’s—face flashed in my mind. Admittedly, he’d looked completely different that when I’d first met him. If you could call it a meeting.

Whereas Connor had grown his hair out into longer, fluffy curls and adopted a sophisticated fashion sense, Nate was basically about the opposite. His hair was also longer, even more than Connor’s, but it didn’t curl nearly as much and framed his face in waves. He wore leather like a second skin and held a cig between his teeth as if he’d ever actually smoke it. If Connor was warm and soft, Nate was hard and rough around the edges.

I couldn’t tell if it was the post-withdrawal sense of calm that had come over me, but thinking about him didn’t throw me into hysterics. It made me uncomfortable and I certainly didn’t wanna dwell on him or go down that rabbit hole, not tonight, but my chest didn’t ache and the images of that night were dull and far away. Easy to ignore. They didn’t overwhelm me like I expected them to.

That was an improvement, at least.

Going through the case files made me think about that android instead of Nate. I had to push back the smell of Thirium mixed with burning charcoal and rust, nervous chatter playing in the background of my own panicked heartbeat and desperate screams. I let the image of him replace all of that. Went over what I remembered, picked apart anything important.

He’d clearly had his Thirium pump removed. That was obvious. But was that what had killed him? Not necessarily. I didn’t know quite enough to tell on sight if it had been removed before he’d died or after. I hadn’t thought to even look for a detail like that anyway. There wasn’t anything about cause of death in the case files. I didn’t see anything about an autopsy report, either. Did they handle android murders differently than their regular murder cases? Did they even do autopsies?

The other murders weren’t obviously connected. The most recent ones all had something to do with the Thirium pump. First few seemed like they tried to surgically remove the pump without killing the android but were… not successful. To put it mildly. The android that I’d found was the first that had actually been found with their pump completely taken out.

Connor came in around 5 am and found me sitting on the floor surrounded by papers and photos, chewing on my thumb and trying to piece it all together. I was so absorbed in my train of thought, trying to remember anything helpful about the android with the missing pump, that I didn’t hear him come in. His voice made me jump when he spoke.

“Ali? What are you–“

I swore under my breath and threw my back against the edge of the couch. My instincts needed some work. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up like I was expecting a fight, and yet all I’d done was crumple into a heap against the couch. Kida let out an annoyed huff and sat up to glare at me for disturbing her nap.

Connor had the decency to look sheepish as he stood over me. Eyes softening from surprised confusion to a sweet affection that made me squirm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I shook my head and took a deep breath. My heart was beating up my throat. I settled my shoulders. Tried to release the tension that had snapped me to attention. “It’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting anyone up for a while, that’s all.”

He motioned to the case files around me. “Are those the android case files?”

I shifted forward back to my spot in the middle of the papers and photos. Kida poked her wet nose into my cheek and yipped until I scratched behind her ear. “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep and you guys left them on the table, so…”

Connor knelt down at the edge of my mess, eyes scanning over the haphazard piles. He was quiet for a few minutes. Just sat there and stared.

I looked up after a while. Connor was staring at me with something of a dazed look on his face, lips slightly parted, head tilted to the side like an inquisitive puppy. _Fucking android and his stupid pretty eyes and stupid pretty face and stupid pretty… everything._ He made my heart flutter and my palms sweat and god _damn_ him and his ridiculous voice.

But he just kept staring at me. It made my cheeks heat up and my thoughts fall into the gutter.

“Um. Connor?”

He blinked at me, LED circling yellow for a second, before he seemed to refocus. “I’m sorry, I just realized we’d never actually worked together before. I didn’t realize that you were– or that you had—”

“What, that I was a good detective?”

I’d never seen Connor stutter to answer a question like he did in that moment. It didn’t take him long to steady himself, though. It never did.

“I never questioned your competence, _Detective_.” That little smirk again. “I simply hadn’t put much thought into your excellence.” The smile he was giving me was entirely too soft and the compliment made my heart beat a little faster.

“It’s kind of a shame we never got to really work together. We probably would’ve made a great team.”

“I agree. We’d be excellent partners.”

I didn’t miss the insinuation, but Connor’s eyes were wide and innocent. He feigned it way too well. He could probably lie his way out of anything with those damn eyes.

“You’re getting kind of bold with the flirting.”

He tilted his head in that stupid ‘I’m-so-innocent’ way he always did. It was entirely too endearing. And infuriating. “Would you like me to stop?”

He was teasing. Playing a game. Something he was also much too good at. “I didn’t say that.”

I sighed and pushed myself up. Rolled my shoulders to crack the tension that had built up as I’d hunched over the case files for the past half an hour or so. Connor followed suit.

I stepped over the papers, a little wobbly, and almost fell on my ass. Connor slid a quick arm around my waist and pulled me to him at the last second. I brought a hand to rest on his chest out of reflex.

Everything seemed to stop for a second. Like we were in a bubble. The rest of the world fell away and all I could was focus on was Connor. His eyes, his easy smile, his chest under my hand, his arm wrapped around me like a safety blanket.

 _Fuck it_.

I slid my hand to his collar and pulled him down to me, chin tilted up. My other hand rested on his arm. Yellow, red, yellow. And then he tightened his arm around my waist and dipped his head to meet me.

I’d forgotten what he tasted like. Sharp, warm, electric. He kissed me like he was trying not to break me. Gentle and slow. One hand splayed over my back, the other holding my face, thumb rubbing circles on my cheek. My head was already swimming but _fuck_ I wanted more. I somehow always did with him.

His teeth grazed against my lips, accidentally, but it was enough. I rolled his bottom lip between mine and the low groan that rumbled in his throat only spurred me on. It was such a pretty sound. I wanted to hear it all the time.

I pulled, just a bit, just enough to get another noise out of him and _god_ I couldn’t take it. But then his moan turned into a growl and the hand that had been cupping my face grabbed a fistful of hair. His tongue traced my jaw and then down the side of my throat.

He mumbled into the crook of my neck, “You taste amazing.”

And then his teeth sunk into the sensitive flesh and I tightened my hands on him, body still pressed firmly against his. His name came from my lips in a broken sigh. Desperate and wanting.

He nibbled his way back to my jaw, pulling half-restrained sighs and whines from me with each little bite. His breath was hot on my ear as he paused, lips brushing against the soft skin. But then he pulled away, darkened eyes looking down at me with a hunger in them.

I was kind of breathless. I wanted to pull him back to me, to kiss him again. But his eyes were warm and inviting and _fuck_ I also just wanted to look at him.

“I can walk you through the case, if you’d like.” Connor’s arms were still holding me. One around my waist, the other cradling my arm as his hand tangled in my hair.

I let out an unsteady breath. “Yeah, we can do that.”

And then he stepped away. Still holding me, but less tightly, fingers lingering like he didn’t want to let go. **I** didn’t want him to let go. But I stepped away, letting our arms fall back to our sides before I turned back to the case files. Connor did the same.

He walked me through what they’d worked out so far. No obvious suspects, but it was clear that the attacks were orchestrated by one person, or a small group. They’d have a background in engineering. The attacks were too well-executed, the removals of the Thirium pump too precise. None of the tubes were nicked or severed, nothing was damaged. They’d need a steady hand and at least passing knowledge of robotics. Not to mention knowing and having access to the appropriate tools.

Eventually Hank woke up. Tutted at our mess on the floor before bumbling into the kitchen to get some coffee. Connor followed him and started a conversation about their case. Or tried to, at least. Hank wasn’t exactly a morning person. We had that in common, too.

I kept reading through the files, legs tucked up to my chest, as they went over their plans for the day. But I couldn’t focus. My shoulders ached and my scalp itched. I tried to roll a crick from my neck. It didn’t work.

 _Fuck this_.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” I hadn’t showered since before I’d woken up on Hank’s couch. I need it.

Hank gave me a quick nod as I stood. “Towels are in the closet.”

I mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ before I limped down the hallway and then to the bathroom. I turned the shower on probably way too hot and stepped back. My arms moved to yank at the laces on the back of my shirt but a burst of pain shot from between my shoulder blades, down my spine, and up my arms all the way to my wrists.

Tears stung my eyes as I brought my arms back to my sides. That fucking _hurt_. I took a deep breath and tried again, to the same effect. And then again. No change.

I let out a frustrated cry and gripped the edge of the counter. My knuckles turned white from the force. I stared at the sink for a few seconds before stepping back.

Slowly reached my hands up my sides, twisting them around to my lower back. A dull, throbbing pain echoed in my shoulders. Annoying, but not unbearable. I moved further up. The pain intensified but I bared my teeth and ignored it. So close to the lace, just a bit further and I could pull—

I swore under my breath as I gave up. I couldn’t reach the laces without waves of crippling pain radiating through my shoulders and back. My eyes watered and my hands shook.

The steam from the shower was starting to fog the mirror. I turned back to the sink, hands gripping the edge of the counter as I squeezed my eyes shut. Frustration bubbled up in my chest and my nose burned. I bit my bottom lip and took a deep breath, willing the tears to go away. Trying to bury the anger and helplessness that I felt.

I hated not being able to just… do things. I just wanted the pain to stop, to be able to take my own damn shirt off without help so I could take a fucking shower.

_Goddamnit._

A few deep, only marginally calming breaths later, I opened my eyes and stared at myself through a layer of condensation. My eyes were still somewhat bloodshot, though most of it had cleared. My cheeks were flushed. That never really went away nowadays.

The post-it notes on the mirror were different than the last time I’d seen them a couple of months ago. Back when Connor and I had basically broken in. Some of them were in Hank’s quick, sketchy slant while others were overly neat and straight. Connor’s handwriting, I assumed. _Cute_.

I sighed. Dragged a hand over my face and pushed myself away from the sink. I stood for a moment, staring at myself, before I rolled my eyes as I turned to the door and left the bathroom. One hand on the wall in the hallway for balance.

I could hear Hank and Connor talking in the kitchen. I peeked my head around the corner and cleared my throat. The way their conversation immediately cut off and they whipped their heads toward me looking like deer caught in headlights made me uneasy.

My words caught in my throat as I hesitated. “Um.” I coughed again. Trying to seem normal. _As if I even know what that means anymore_. “Connor, could I– er, can you help me with something?”

His LED circled yellow for a moment. He exchanged a look with Hank. I didn’t miss the tiny nod he gave Connor before the android turned back to me. A soft smile on his face.

“Of course.”

He followed me back to the bathroom, hovering just close enough to be respectful while clearly waiting to lend a hand if my leg gave out. I couldn’t tell if it annoyed me or if I appreciated it.

I leaned against the counter as he closed the door behind me. Gently. He turned to me with that ridiculously easy smile that made my insides twist. Patiently waiting for me to say something.

I chewed on the inside of my lip. He’d held me for hours, completely undressed, when we’d jumped into the river from Jericho. Why was this so difficult?

 _You know why, Ali. Don’t be coy_. Goddamnit.

“I need help getting undressed.” I said it quietly and sounded shy even to myself. My eyes trailed on the tiles under my feet. “I can’t reach around– I mean, it hurts if I try to strain and I can’t move my arms to—” I cut myself off before I could stammer much more. Just sighed and waited, cheeks burning.

“Oh.” It was Connor’s turn to clear his throat. Which was… unexpected. I’d noticed he had some oddly human-like habits like that. He’d probably picked them up from Hank. That’s what I assumed, at least. “I– yes, I can help you.”

I glanced up to meet his eyes without lifting my head. His LED was circling yellow and there was a blue tint to his cheeks. _Is he blushing again?_ It was kind of cute.

He stepped forward and offered me his hand. I wanted to hesitate. Part of me did, at least. But I didn’t. Something about the way he looked at me, so innocent and open, made me feel… safe.

I tried not to think about it too much as he turned me and started to undo the laces on the back of my shirt. Tried not to linger on the feeling of his fingers against my bare back. He was clearly trying to be respectful, to not touch me too much, but the shirt was skintight and it was kind of unavoidable.

I tried not to think about how his jaw tightened and his LED flashed yellow when he helped me pull my shirt over my head, hands sliding over my sides. Respectfully, of course. Or about how he kept his eyes incredibly focused on his own hands as he unbuttoned my jeans. He helped me pull them off as I sat on the edge of the tub, the plastic shower curtain warm on my mostly bare back. He held out his hand and helped me stand again.

My face was red and I was thoroughly worked up as we stood there, just staring at each other. His puppy dog eyes stared down at me with entirely too much affection.

He stepped closer and his eyes followed his hand as it moved to my face, fingers brushing against my cheek before tracing my jaw. I swallowed, shoulders tense, pulse racing through my veins. The little smile pulling at his lips when he met my eyes again made my stomach flutter.

“Do you need any other help, Detective?”

Suddenly all I could think about was what he would look like with his shirt half undone, mouth fallen open and moaning my name as he lay under me, and I didn’t even bother trying to stop the thought. I really, really wanted to see that. Or any version of it I could get.

I stepped forward, closing the distance between us, and let one hand trace along the edge of his jacket. “It seems a little unfair.”

He cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing for a second as he considered my words. “What do you mean?”

“This is the second time you’ve gotten me completely undressed and I haven’t even managed to get your jacket off yet.”

It only took him a second to catch on before he was shrugging his jacket off and leaning into me. I reached up to pull him down and he met me with one arm already wrapping around my waist. I didn’t think I’d ever get over how it felt to kiss him. Warm and smooth and electric. He was addictive and comforting all at once.

His lips moved over mine like they were made for it, body pressed against me but _fuck_ I wanted so much more. His hands on me felt like fire and I wanted him everywhere.

Connor pressed against me, mouth slanting over mine in hungry, hurried movements. He caught my lower lip between his teeth for a second and I couldn’t help the gasping moan that came out of me. He slipped one hand between us to cup my jaw, pulling away just enough to whisper, “You need to be quiet, Detective.”

I whimpered but nodded, grasping his shirt between my fingers and trying to pull him back down to me. But he didn’t move. Darkened eyes stared down at me with a teasing smirk.

“You’re an asshole.” I huffed and stepped back, keeping my grip on his shirt so he had no choice but to follow me. His arm slipped from my back and settled on my hip as he moved with me until I hit the edge of the sink.

He continued to move towards me, body pressing against mine, head dipping down to hover just over my lips. _Fucking tease_. But I wouldn’t be the one to break and lose our little game.

I smirked and tilted my head back. Just enough that my lips brushed against his ever so gently. I moved my tongue over his lower lip. Slowly. He made a sound like a frustrated groan deep in his throat before moving to catch my lip between his teeth.

 _I’ll take that as a win_.

My arms snaked around his neck and I tangled my fingers in his hair. It was softer than I’d expected. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. My breath ghosted over his lips. Still teasing. He chuckled and nudged my cheek with his nose. Pressed his mouth against mine for the barest of seconds.

One hand still on my hip, the other trailed up my side and followed the band of my bra. Nails scratched along my spine and I arched my back at his touch.

“So sensitive, Detective.” I could **hear** the smirk in his voice. _Smug fucker_. “I could watch you squirm for hours.”

But then he pushed his fingers into my back and pushed me into him, catching my mouth with his. His hands pressed into me, holding my body flush against him. The fabric scratched against my skin. I just wanted to feel him.

So my hands slipped down to his neck and then his shoulders and settled at the collar of his shirt, blindly pulling at the buttons until they popped. One at a time. His synthetic skin was warm under my fingers. I paused as I got to the bottom. He had his shirt tucked into his pants. I pulled it out and then ran my hands up his waist, side, chest. Pushing the fabric off his shoulders and down his arms.

He pulled his hands away just long enough to yank the shirt off his arms and let it drop to the floor. And then he was on me again, roaming over my skin. Fingers exploring every inch of me that he could find. They found their way to my back again, slipping under my bra’s band. His thumbs pulled at the clasp to unhook it. He slid his palms along my skin, slipping my bra off at the same time.

I whined as I took my hands off him to let my bra fall off. Immediately reached back up to cup his face once it did. I opened my mouth and slid my tongue along his lip again. He took the hint and twisted his tongue around mine, tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

His synthetic skin was soft against mine. Chest to chest, I could feel heat radiating off him in waves. His hands ghosted over my skin again. First over my shoulders and down either arm, moving to my sides and waist and hips, and then back up over my stomach. He hesitated a moment before cupping my breasts in his hands. He pinched one nipple between his fingers and I gasped. He smiled and continued, hungrily swallowing every noise from me as he worked each nipple into a hardened peak, tongue circling mine.

I slid one hand down his chest and started to undo his belt with clumsy movements. Wanting more. Wanting everything. My head was swimming, dizzy. I had trouble focusing on anything but Connor. His mouth on mine, tongue sliding over my lips, hands on my chest, fingers working me so well it was almost unfair.

It took me a minute to finally get his belt undone. And then I started to struggle with the buttons. _How the fuck were his pants so hard to take off?_

I felt Connor’s laugh more than I heard it. He pulled one hand away from my chest, fingers ghosting down my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He took my hand in his for a moment and gave it a quick squeeze before moving to take off his pants. Without even breaking the kiss he managed to take them off in just a few seconds. Then he grabbed my hand again and brought it to his hip.

His other hand left my chest and moved to my waist. Guided me to him until I could feel him through his boxers. The first pangs of heat and pleasure bloomed in my core and _fuck_ I wanted him _now_.

But he pulled back before I had a chance to. Rested his forehead against mine, artificial breath surprisingly shallow and warm. I watched him for a moment, fighting to calm my own breathing. He was flushed, cheeks tinged a light blue, eyes closed and mouth partly open. He was so beautiful.

He opened his eyes and met my stare, and the way he looked at me made my heart skip a beat. Soft brown eyes looked at me like I’d hung the goddamn moon in the sky. A tiny smile pulled at the edge of his lips. I wanted nothing more than to taste it, but I also wanted to look at him forever.

But then he rolled his hips into mine and my head just about went blank. The smirk that crossed his face was cocky and charming and so, so delicious.

Connor grabbed my hips and lifted me onto the sink. His eyes were still locked on mine. I couldn’t help the squeak that came out of me. My legs wrapped around his waist on instinct. I didn’t have time to be surprised at how easily I’d managed to wrap my prosthetic around him. He grinded his hips into me again and I tightened my legs around him.

One hand came back to my face, the other digging into my hips, holding me close to him. “You’re so beautiful when you’re flushed like this.” His thumb traced my jaw, leaning my head back to look up at him. “I want to see every part of you.”

I ran my fingers over the skin at his hip, pushing under the band of his boxers. He leaned into me, eyes darkening again as my hand moved over his side and then the inside of his hip.

He moved away from me, suddenly, and despite the shower still running and the mirror fogging up with steam behind me, I was cold. He kicked off his boxers in a quick motion and hovered for the barest of seconds, completely naked in front of me. I didn’t think I’d ever thought anyone was more beautiful than Connor was in that moment.

He stepped between my legs, trailing his fingers up my thighs, and a shiver ran up my spine. He dipped his head down to mine but hovered just out of reach. I had to lean my head back to look up at him. _Damn tall android_.

“I want you.” My voice was quiet in my throat, barely even a whisper.

He paused at my words, LED circling yellow. And then he reached up and pulled my panties off my legs in one quick motion. Came back to me, lips crashing into mine as he dug his fingers into my hips and pulled me against him. I could feel him against me, teasing me. My legs wrapped around his waist and I tried to get his hips closer, to pull him into me, but he stayed still, chuckle vibrating through his chest.

 _Fucking tease_.

His lips moved from mine to my cheek, leaving a trail of wet kisses along my jawline to my ear and then my neck. My hands ran up his stomach and sides and then rested on his shoulders. His synthetic skin was smooth, soft. I just wanted to touch all of him, all at once.

His teeth brushed against my skin, teasing again. Every part of me felt like it was on fire. My skin was burning for more. For him.

“Connor.” His name came out like a whine.

He laughed again, breath hot on my neck and shoulder. “Do you want something, Detective?” He was entirely too good at the teasing. Unfairly so. I couldn’t tell if I loved it or hated it. “You’ll have to tell me what it is.”

His teeth sunk into the flesh in the crook of my neck. A low groan resonated in my chest and I couldn’t help the way my thighs tightened on his waist. Tension was starting to coil in me.

“Please.” A deep breath. Steadying. Trying to calm my heartbeat. “Connor, I want you.”

“I’m right here, Detective.”

 _Fucker_. “I want you inside me.” A pause. I could feel him smile against my skin. “Please.”

His fingers dug into my hips and pulled me closer as he eased into me. Slowly. He trailed kisses back up my neck and rested his forehead against mine. Eyes staring down at me with a fascinated glimmer. He paused once he was fully inside me.

Suddenly the way he was looking at me was much more serious. The intensity of his stare caught me off guard a bit. “You’ll tell me if you want to stop?”

All I could do for a moment was nod. Marveling at how good he felt inside me, even just unmoving. “Please don’t.”

And then he moved his hands onto my waist and started a rough, bruising pace. Pulled almost completely out before slamming back into me. A cut-off scream bubbled out of my throat before Connor caught it between his lips. Kissing me hard and fast, just like how he fucked me.

I propped one hand on the edge of the counter to steady myself, trying to find purchase with his unforgiving rhythm. But, _fuck_ , it felt good. Every time he thrust into me was a new burst of heat, another coil of tension in my core. His tongue slipped past my lips, curling around mine. Tasting me.

I couldn’t help the stuttering whines and groans in my throat. He pulled them from me, eagerly swallowing every sound like he was desperate for it. Starving for me.

He stopped suddenly and I almost wanted to scream out of frustration. But then he grabbed my hips, pulled me flush against him, and stepped away from the sink without a warning. My arms wrapped around his neck as I did my best to pull my chest up and wrap my legs around his waist, good foot curling around the prosthetic to keep it in place.

My breath was shallow and uneven as I complained, “Connor what the fuck—”

“You’re here to take a shower, aren’t you?” His voice was unfairly even as he interrupted me.

I groaned in a mix of annoyance and frustration. I was still doing my best to hold onto him, supported by nothing except his hands on my ass. I buried my head in his neck and started nibbling at the skin. He let out a low groan almost like a growl. Stepped into the bathtub and pushed my back against the wall. I leaned back, feeling a little more secure with something solid behind me.

The water was hot but I was barely paying it any attention. Connor was kissing me again, teeth sliding over my lips with teasing bites as he kissed me so hard my head swam. His hands gripped my hips so tightly they’d probably bruise but I didn’t care. He eased into me and swallowed my moans onto his tongue.

He was slow this time. Teasing me with long, deliberate thrusts that uncoiled the tension in my core and let it bloom into heat throughout my body. My hands slipped over his wet shoulders, nails digging into his synthetic skin.

I pulled away for a breath and let my head fall back against the wall, half-open eyes fluttering closed every time he eased into me. I caught glimpses of him, flushed and panting, staring at me with eyes so dark they looked black and a smirk that made my stomach flip.

“You’re so pretty when you moan.” Connor leaned forward until his lips brushed against my ear. “It’s a shame I can’t make you scream right now. I bet you’d sound amazing.”

He punctuated his last words with a few hard, short thrusts. I leaned into his shoulder and sunk my teeth into him to keep from crying out his name. I just let out a strangled whine instead and he groaned in my ear. It was a beautiful sound.

And then he was back to the slow and teasing pace. I nestled my nose against the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. Relished in the feeling of him sliding slowly in and then slowly out of me. Inch by inch. I’d never really been one for the agonizingly slow sex, but he felt so fucking good. Now it made sense.

My mouth fell further open each time he sank into me, moans dying silently in my throat as I fought to stay quiet. Stifled whines and whimpers were drowned out by the shower. I could feel Connor’s artificial breath on the back of my neck, hot and fast. The heat in me was starting to grow, but it was frustratingly slow. I couldn’t tell if Connor was pacing himself or trying to drive me crazy. I didn’t care.

“Conn—fuck!“ He bit the back of my shoulder, _hard_ , as he thrust into me, suddenly faster than before. I couldn’t help the scream that came out of me as the tension in my abdomen bloomed and threatened to push me over the edge.

I dug my nails deeper into his shoulders. Panting, heart racing, holding him desperately as he stayed fully inside of me, unmoving. I whined as the seconds ticked by. Connor’s teeth were still biting into my skin. And then I realized he was panting heavily and the breath that ghosted over my back was almost scalding.

“Connor? You okay?”

He stilled for a second, and then his mouth was gone from my skin before he trailed hot kisses over the bite mark. His thumbs rubbed soothing circles over my hips.

He mumbled what sounded like an apology. Then he lifted me, moving one hand to my ass and settling my weight into his hips, still buried deep inside me. He lifted the other hand to cup my face, pushed my head back against the wall and moved to rest his forehead against mine. The shower wall was cool against the undoubtedly red skin on the back of my shoulder.

His eyes were closed, artificial breath still way too hot. Brows pulled together and LED circling red. It settled to yellow after a few seconds.

“I almost—my systems are—” He sounded out of breath. “I just need a moment. I was overheating.”

Connor opened his eyes. He stared at me for a second before brushing his nose against mine. Then he kissed me. Slowly, deliberately. The way he held my face and gently ran his tongue over my lips made me melt. I hummed into his mouth, dazed with how he touched me. Drunk on it.

I moved my hands from his shoulders to his face. Held him, fingers tangling in his hair to keep him close. His breath was still hot but it was starting to cool down. He started to move again, slowly pulling out and then stopping. Barely inside of me. I whined and felt him smile. Lips still dancing over mine like he wanted to devour and worship me at the same time.

His hand left my face and my cheek was cold with it gone. He pulled away, only barely, just enough to whisper into my mouth. “Do you mind if I lower the water’s temperature?”

I couldn’t have cared less. I just shook my head and tilted back to kiss him again. He was still smiling when I caught his mouth with mine. He leaned down, probably to reach the faucet but he was leaning into me and that was all I cared about.

He slowly started to thrust into me again. I didn’t know how much longer I could take this pace but I just wanted him in me, on me, near me, anything. Everything. I’d take whatever he was willing to give. And I didn’t want to stop kissing him to ask for more, so I didn’t.

But then his hand slipped between us and I couldn’t help but arch my back into his chest. His fingers ghosted over my clit before he started teasing slow, gentle circles. I whimpered and he gladly swallowed it, tongue twisting around mine as he brought me closer to the edge.

The tension and heat deep inside me started to grow again as he fucked me. Agile fingers working me closer and closer. It was a slow burn. Building like the sands of an hourglass. Up a hill, pushing me closer to the peak one bit at a time.

His hips stuttered for a second, thrusting suddenly and roughly into me. He groaned, low and deep in his throat, and I bit his lip to muffle the cry that bubbled out of me. A bolt of heat burst in me that pushed me closer to release. I tasted copper on my tongue and pulled away, head still spinning. I half expected to see blue on his lips from my bite but it was red.

“I want to watch you come.” Connor’s words were low, almost a growl.

I wanted to kiss him again, to pull him back to me, but something about the way he was looking at me made heat pool in my core and _fuck_ I was so close. I nodded and closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of him sliding into me and his fingers rubbing my clit.

And then I could feel it, like seeing over the edge of the hill you were about to crest. I bucked my hips into him, trying to chase it. A low whine started deep in my throat. _So close, so close, so_ —

I came almost unexpectedly. My back arched off the wall and pushed me into Connor’s chest, heat bursting from my core into my entire body, tension releasing all at once. My mouth fell open and my fingers dug into his shoulders. But he didn’t stop.

His hips bucked into me, faster and erratic, fingers rubbing furious circles over my clit, pushing wave after wave over me until he crashed his lips against mine to keep me from crying out. Devouring my moans and desperate screams as I came.

His breath was hot again. Almost painful but pain turned to pleasure only fueled the orgasm that rushed over me. He leaned into me suddenly, body pushing me flat against the shower wall as he thrust into me one last time. His fingers slipped until they slowed and eventually stopped.

I could feel him panting against me, hot to the touch. Breath scalding. I was suddenly aware of the frigid water that was probably the only thing keeping his breath from burning. His lips still slanted over mine. Full of teeth and messy but it was perfect.

He leaned away, keeping his forehead on mine, nose bumping my cheek. I took a second to breathe. Tried to calm my heart as I started to come down. Head still swimming. I could feel him pulsing inside of me and it sent a small wave of heat through me that kept me dizzy. _Aftershocks_.

“I was right.”

Breathless and half delirious, I had no idea what he could possibly be talking about. I took a few breaths before I asked, “What do you mean?”

My eyes fluttered open as he moved away. Enough to look me in the eyes. He wore a smug smirk as he answered. “You sound amazing when you scream like that.”


	11. Gonna Find Your Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t wanna _be_ like this anymore. _For fuck’s sake._ My legs moved almost out of habit as I walked inside. I tried not to think about it. _Or should I?_
> 
> The lobby was just like I remembered. Wood paneling on the walls, scuffed black floors, and obnoxiously tall ceilings. It always smelled like coffee and fresh bread. The stairwell was just off to the side, next to the elevators past the empty reception desk. I was pretty sure I’d only ever seen someone at the desk once since I’d moved in. They weren’t very attentive for a ‘luxury’ building, but the apartment was nice and the complimentary coffee in the lobby’s buffet wasn’t the worst I’d ever had. And Violet loved it. So I did, too.
> 
> The lobby was empty. Running through it that night was a blur. Just a fleeting moment, blood and Thirium dripping onto the floor as I raced out into the cold winter air. It was empty that night, too. I remembered thinking I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. Looking back, I was glad nobody had been there. Who knows what would have happened to them, who else he might have hurt if they’d stood in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is officially done! Well, kinda. This got pulled into a few different pieces cause I couldn't seem to pick a focus haha  
> I had an _actual_ plot in mind for part 2 but then these chapters pulled me into Ali's story instead, so this is what I ended up with!

> **DATE**
> 
> Saturday February 5, 2039
> 
> **TIME**
> 
> 12:48 PM
> 
> **LOCATION**
> 
> The apartment

I stood outside of the apartment building, arms crossed over my chest. My hair blew around my face with the wind, my scarf tucked neatly into my collar. Chase and Bea stood just behind me, waiting.

I’d been standing there for nearing 20 minutes, trying to psych myself up enough to walk into the lobby. Just as a start. And then it would be the stairwell. I didn’t want to take the elevator. I _wanted_ to face that night. I had to.

After the stairs would be the hallway, and then the apartment. **My** apartment. _Goddamnit_.

I would **not** let him take my life away from me. The panic attacks, the drugs, the bridge; it was already too much. He’d taken her. He couldn’t take where we’d lived together.

“We’d been looking at houses together. Me and…” Why was it so hard to say her name? It wasn’t like I hadn’t said it since that night. I took a deep breath. “Me and Violet.”

There was a beat of silence. “Did you find any that you liked?” Bea stepped up to my side as she asked. Her hands were stuffed in the pockets of her coat while it billowed in the wind, unbuttoned and wide open.

I shook my head. “We had so many little things that we wanted. Tiny details that neither of us would compromise on.” Tears stung my eyes. I blinked them away and sighed. “I didn’t think we’d ever find the ‘perfect house.’ It was more of a pastime that a serious search, I guess. Something for us to do together, to dream about.”

Bea gently bumped me with her arm as Chase hovered on my other side. They waited patiently, letting me wallow as we just… stood there.

I didn’t wanna _be_ like this anymore. _For fuck’s sake_. My legs moved almost out of habit as I walked inside. I tried not to think about it. _Or should I?_

The lobby was just like I remembered. Wood paneling on the walls, scuffed black floors, and obnoxiously tall ceilings. It always smelled like coffee and fresh bread. The stairwell was just off to the side, next to the elevators past the empty reception desk. I was pretty sure I’d only ever seen someone at the desk once since I’d moved in. They weren’t very attentive for a ‘luxury’ building, but the apartment was nice and the complimentary coffee in the lobby’s buffet wasn’t the worst I’d ever had. And Violet loved it. So I did, too.

The lobby was empty. Running through it that night was a blur. Just a fleeting moment, blood and Thirium dripping onto the floor as I raced out into the cold winter air. It was empty that night, too. I remembered thinking I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. Looking back, I was glad nobody had been there. Who knows what would have happened to them, who else he might have hurt if they’d stood in his way.

The stairwell was also empty. I remembered the echo of footsteps, a loud crashing sound as he jumped the railing. Gunshots rattling around in my head and my leg. Zigzagging down the hallway and basically falling down the steps as I took them way too many at a time.

Now I walked up the stairs, slowly and one at a time. My hand barely touched the railing as my heart pounded in my chest. Blood rushed through my ears, adrenaline pushing goosebumps over my arms. My fingers trailing over the edge of the railing. I had flashes of snow under my hand, cold and wet. I didn’t think I’d ever really like snow again after how many times I’d almost died covered in it.

And then suddenly I was standing in front of the apartment door in the hallway. Arms at my sides. Staring at the painted wood and the silver numbers.

_Now or never, right?_

“I wanna go in alone.” I turned to Chase and Bea, fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of my coat.

“You sure?”

I nodded. Turned back to the door. My chest felt tight, a dull ache throbbing deep in my ribs. “Just for a minute.”

The key panel dinged as I opened the door. The lights were off inside. Everything looked… different. And yet the same, somehow. I couldn’t quite piece together what was out of place. I just knew that something was.

I flicked the lights on as I walked into the main area. It was quiet. Empty. Still. I turned my attention to the kitchen first. It was tidy. Chase’s bowl of candy was mostly empty on the island counter. And then the living room. There was nothing out of place. The couch and chairs were exactly where I remembered them being.

My jaw tightened. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hands tensing and fidgeting. Images of her body, purple hair splayed out on the wood floor surrounded by a pool of blood, played out in my mind. My hand, still smudged with blue, planted in the middle of bright red. It was on my shirt, my thigh, my arm.

I let the memory wash over me. My heart pounded in my chest. The emotions were like a tidal wave. Strong enough to knock me off my feet. But they weren’t real. Not anymore. Not really. Just a piece of my past. And, as awful as they were, they were her. Maybe the worst part of her I’d ever have, but they were still her.

I opened my eyes after a moment. Her body wasn’t there. Neither was the blood, or the Thirium. It was just a floor. And the hallway was just a hallway, the bathroom just a bathroom. I paused outside of her room. Old room, I guess. The door was open. All of her things were still there.

I could look through it later.

The door to my room was closed. I pushed it open, slowly. My bed was still there, though it was bare. No sheets or blankets. My pillows were piled in the far corner of the room, on one of my chairs. The shattered glass table was gone. No shards to be found anywhere.

I trailed my fingers over the walls as I walked around. The curtains were closed and I left the lights off. Let the light from the hallway bathed the room in a dim, eerie glow. I stopped on the other side of my bed and stared at my side table.

There were a few books, things I’d been meaning to read. My salt lamp and alarm clock were near the back, against the wall. And there was a picture frame. I picked it up and tears finally started to blur my vision.

Violet’s arms were wrapped around my neck, eyes closed as we both laughed so hard our sides hurt. It was a candid photo. Chase had taken it the summer before our last year of university. We were at the beach. Some sorority party or something, I couldn’t really remember. The five of us had spent most of the day in the water throwing around an oversized beach ball.

Bea and Hendy were half cut out in the background of the photo. He had thrown her over his shoulder and was carrying her back to the water.

A few tears fell onto the glass over the photo. A shaky smile spread over my face. Despite the hammering thumps in my chest and the way my throat tightened, I smiled.

It was the first summer that I’d been completely clean. Because of Violet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll enjoyed this continuation as much as part 1! I've already got the first few chapters for another part written, I'm just trying to work out the plot details for that since this got a bit sidetracked.
> 
> I wanted to get this posted in the mean time since it was done! I'm not sure when I'll be back with another part, but I definitely will! A few of my friends are also incessantly asking for more chapters so I'm not allowed to not finish it lol  
> We'll be back! :)
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who's bookmarked, left kudos, and commented!! I get so excited whenever I get a new notification for this story. Seriously, thank you so much♥️♥️


End file.
